Suicide…

I think about it all the fucking time. It would be easy to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel daily. No more depression. No more cutting. Just ignorant bliss. I don’t know what will happen but I do know it would be better than the misery I live now. I can’t live with myself. I am “living” in a constant hell and it’s killing me; it’s actually slowly driving me insane. So the question is how will I do it? There are so many different options; hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution and so much more. I’ve written so many suicide notes in the past month and I’ve never gone through with it. Suicide is NOT the cowards way out. A person has to be going through the worst physical and emotional pain imaginable to even get to this point. And I’ve finally gotten there. No, I’m not brave enough to do it today. Maybe I’ll build up the courage someday. But as of now I’m holding on to this tiny strand of hope. But my hope is wearing thin and soon the strand will break, not today, maybe tomorrow who fucking knows? I just hope one day I’ll be brave enough to go through with what I’ve planned for years. Maybe I’ll go put with a BANG.