Author

Cro0kedYoung

I'm a sad teenager, what more could I possibly tell you?

My return..

by Cro0kedYoung 12/7/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I’ve not had a laptop for a few weeks, which is why I haven’t updated.

This is going to be like full on diary entry material. I hope you don’t mind.

I’m having less and less to say every time I post on here now.. A lot has happened regarding friends recently. Too much to note down. One particular thing though, I’m drifting from my two best friends. I keep screwing up. I don’t want to make this sound like Its all about me, but I have no one else to blame but myself anyways.

I had a boyfriend recently too. Yeah, I know, surprising right? Well, here’s […]

12/7/2015 6 comments

I didn’t mean to hurt them

by Cro0kedYoung 11/16/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I was hurting. I still am, but I never meant to hurt anybody in the process..

11/16/2015 1 comment

All the pain

by Cro0kedYoung 11/16/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

Its not suicide I’m scared of, its what might happen if I don’t succeed.

What would my mother do? Would she pretend that it didn’t happen just like when she found out I had hurt myself a few years back? Would she disown me? Or would she be there for me and get me professional help?

What would my friends do? Would they call me an attention whore? Would they completely bail on me? Or would they stay with me and help me?

And school. What would happen with school? Would I get looked down upon my all of my teachers? Would they not take any notice at the fact that […]

11/16/2015 6 comments

Can I ask for forgiveness?

by Cro0kedYoung 11/15/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

Regarding my last post, and the whole tumblr situation. I seem to have lost my two best friends. I’d had these friends (my only friends) for 4, nearing 5 years. They had stuck by me through everything. Following this quarrel with my guy ‘friend’, I seem to have taken my anger out on them, and now they’re gone.

I feel terrible. Nothing could go much worse right about now. The two people in the whole world that could make me happy no matter what had happened are gone. I’ve lost them. I pushed them away. I ruined things for myself.

I have quite literally burned down everything […]

11/15/2015 6 comments

I want help

by Cro0kedYoung 11/11/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

A so called ‘friend’ of mine found my blog. My blog where I have no one I know in real life on, and he called me out on it all. He called me out on things that werent what he thought, and told me to ‘stop posting about mental illnesses bc i dont have one’. Can we talk about how inconsiderate that is? Its worse now than when I last fell out with my friends and I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to head downhill any further. I want help. Ive never said it before but I honestly want help bc […]

11/11/2015 8 comments

Hold me down

by Cro0kedYoung 10/18/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

The guy I like asked me to be his.

I said yes.

I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into though.

What if hes like most other guys? If he doesn’t really like me and just wants a fling?

Ill just end up hurt in the end, but for now hes making me smile even when I’m in the worst of moods.

I was with him yesterday. I saw scars on his arms. I wasn’t going to mention it to him, that would be insensitive of me, but maybe if he sees my scars he will understand? I’m not openly going to show him though, I don’t know if I […]

10/18/2015 2 comments

Its hard.

by Cro0kedYoung 10/15/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I live with my mum. I don’t speak to my dad much. He ruined my life, quite literally. I wont go in to detail, but he destroyed my childhood, which still seems to be effecting me now, at 15 years old.

He turned up at my house the other week, dragging so much of my past back up. I haven’t spoken to him properly for over a year now, and he had the cheek to tell me, his daughter that he doesn’t know and hasn’t known for over 6 years, that I’m depressed.

I mean, I personally think there’s something along the lines of that there, but he […]

10/15/2015 5 comments

Update??//

by Cro0kedYoung 10/14/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

So I haven’t posted in a while. My auntie took me to a theme park with her and my nephew. It was good to be away from everyone and spend time with them as I don’t see them much, but I’m home now and I hate it.

Its seems as though a guy is interested in me?? Not completely sure how this is happening. Its probably just some sick joke or something but I’m enjoying it while it lasts I guess.

Its my Nana’s birthday today.. She passed in may. I miss her so much. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about her. I […]

10/14/2015 7 comments

The cover isnt the story

by Cro0kedYoung 10/4/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I guess I don’t know my ‘friends’ as well as I thought I did. they all seem to be bitching about me in a group chat I’m no longer in. Now I know I shouldn’t have gone snooping through ones messages but i had an iffy feeling and it just gives me more of a reason to end things. They’re all talking shit. This including my best friends of 4 years and a guy that I’ve known for just a year. I thought I meant more, but I’m glad I know what they think of me and that I know they’re just pretending to love […]

10/4/2015 4 comments

Wishes

by Cro0kedYoung 10/4/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I’m losing everyone. The two friends I thought would stand by me throughout everything, I’m losing them. I guess its good in some ways, because when the time nears for me to end it all I wont have to push them away and they wont have to hurt at all. They’ll be rid of me for good soon enough. I just hope they have good lives without me.

I’m afraid that when the time comes Ill back out, Ill think of someone, something, a ‘what if’. But I know my life will turn to shit whether I end it or not. I don’t want to have […]

10/4/2015 2 comments

I cant take care of myself, let alone everyone else.

by Cro0kedYoung 9/27/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I’m tired. Tired of everything. Well not everything. I’m not tired of the times when I feel some sort of happiness, I’m not tired of the times when I’m alone and no one bothers me, but I’m tired of the rest of it. Tired of people relying on me to help them with things that I cant even help myself with. That was always the case with my former best friend. She seemed as though she was in the same situation as me, although I never really saw her looking sad or wanting to die. We are no longer friends but at the time she […]

9/27/2015 5 comments

Thankyou to..

by Cro0kedYoung 9/25/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

Thanks to those of you who commented on my last post. Your comments were quite warming and although some of your advice seems hard for me right now, I know you’re right, I know what I have to do. I hope that one day I can, but for now I can just thank you. You know who you are.

9/25/2015 0 comment

The past is never just the past..

by Cro0kedYoung 9/25/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

No matter how long ago something happened, it always find a way to cross your mind days, weeks, months or even years after it was passed.

Its been 6 and a half years since I was taken away from my mother, when my whole family and home life came crashing down on me. Today something managed to spark those memories without a second thought, and only now do I realise how much that impacted me. How different my life would be if it hadn’t crashed and burned all those years ago. I don’t believe my family realise how much that effected me and to this day […]

9/25/2015 4 comments

I’m a sad teenager, what more could I possibly tell you?

by Cro0kedYoung 9/24/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

Im new to this forum. I recently found it and Ive been searching for something like this for a while. Im sad. Very sad. I mean, I see a few good days but overall Im sad. I dont want to be sad, no one does, but I dont know what to do anymore. I know that these past few weeks Ive been contemplating something I never thought Id want. Suicide. I always thought that would never be an option for me due to family things that Id rather not discuss here but It seems to be on my mind a lot.

Maybe I need a friend […]

9/24/2015 12 comments