Author

Diamondonalandmine

I'm 15 and honestly my life sucks, you may not think so but until you've walked in my shoes you'll start to understand. I feel pressured to live up to high expectations even though no one is putting me through it. My brother's autistic in which is one of my main causes to my depression, because I'm worried that when I'm older I won't be able to get a real job, house and most importantly, won't be able to take after him. I get picked on constantly, sure who doesn't? I use to be able to tolerate almost anything anyone called me, but for some reason my self-esteem has been going downhill since then. I am in fact emo, but I don't do a lot of cutting. You may not even think I'm emo/scene but I know what I am you don't. I hide how I really feel with my family, closest friends and keep it all inside until I'm alone. I have no way of expressing my feelings, even when I'm by myself. I keep it bottled up inside. I help people with their problems but I never help myself. Think what you want of me, I honestly just wanna end it all. Its killing me having to live day by day, you all may think I'm dumb, messed up, pathetic or whatever but like I said: You don't know much about me and haven't walked in my shoes...

I can’t take it…

by Diamondonalandmine 2/3/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

I’ve been having a relatively good time, up until now.

To start off I would like to say I’m emo, both in the cutting way and I dress that way as of now.

I like this one guy (not my ex) and well lets just say he’s popular. I’ve like him since he first talked to me and well when he’s at school and with his friends he acts all weird but when its just the two of us he helps me with something I’m struggling on or we just talk.

So I don’t know what’s going on.

Another reason is I get called numerous things nowadays. The biggest […]

2/3/2011 19 comments

What Happened…?

by Diamondonalandmine 1/28/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

This site…its changed me.

My new dark obssession…

I thought I was messed before I joined,

Studying the paranormal, my fascination with eyes and such,

but no, this site has me on making these little rants because I hurt.

Because I want people to know how messed up I am.

Neglected, taunted, teased, degraded, heart broken

This is what has happened to me in the past year.

Not much to some of you but this is what created my downwords spiral.

Something tells me that I should just shut up and stop complaining…

Well this is a picture of me, you may think I look normal, but I’m far from it.

My peers are all supermodels […]

1/28/2011 18 comments

Have faith in me

by Diamondonalandmine 1/28/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

This is messed up.

How am I meeting so many kind and intelligent people on this site, and yet they are troubled?

Things aren’t always what they seem.

But still, so many kind people willing on giving up their lives.

What has this evil and cruel world come too?

All the good fading and the evil rising…

If anyone ever needs to talk about anything at all don’t be shy, please email me and we can talk about anything at all, if you need help I will gladly give it.

I may be only 15 but I’m told I give good advice.

Here’s my email: leaffan64@hotmail.com

Don’t be shy or embarressed about what […]

1/28/2011 11 comments

Epiphany

by Diamondonalandmine 1/27/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

Â I am an odd child, I will admit.

I like things most people my age would never take an interest in.

I’m sorry I’m different.

Different…

A word which means abnormal, feared or even on good terms unique.

What’s the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

A brillant song from a brillant band, I relate most of my life from songs like this.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, well how come no one can see the real me, buried beneath these layers of flesh? The real me that vanished.

I see you lying next to […]

1/27/2011 6 comments

Alone

by Diamondonalandmine 1/26/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

I don’t care if this isn’t exactly poetry, this is my first so I tried my best.

Rain gently taps the window,

the sun is no where to be found,

and I am alone.

In my mind my emotions, thoughts cloud my mind,

my conscience overthrown.

I long for those old carefree days where we weren’t worked to the bone.

As I walk outside I feel as if people can read my fears: of being alone.

My friends, or the few of them are more complicated than most,

they always talk in one tone.

I tried to clear my mind and ask myself why I push everyone away,

why I yearn to be so utterly alone.

Sorry […]

1/26/2011 6 comments

Why me?

by Diamondonalandmine 1/26/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

Â I don’t know why or how, but everything evil and bad in this world ends up finding me. Like I have a neon sign over my head, advertising yet another easy target for the world to corrupt.

I don’t get it.

Why are some people living the time of their lives and then the rest of us fall through the cracks?

I use to be happy. I never wanted to cut or even cry this much, but here I am. I use to not want to do anything I’m doing now. (Haven’t turned to drugs, but I’m contemplating…)

I don’t know what made me crack. Was is that my […]

1/26/2011 4 comments

My Life

by Diamondonalandmine 1/3/2011

written by Diamondonalandmine

I’m a newcomer to the site, I’m female (15 yrs.) and want to end my suffering.

You may think I’m dumb,crazy,messed up, or whatever but take a mile long walk in my shoes…

Everyone thinks I have the perfect life: cool and easy going parents, lotsÂ of friends, middle class, etc.

But in reality my life sucks.

I feel like I fail at everything I do. I’ve been getting into random fights with everyone lately, including my best friend, for no appearent reason.

Now my brother (13 yrs) has a high case of autisim. I love him to death. But I’m worried that later on, that I’ll let him down. I’m […]

1/3/2011 7 comments

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