Epiphany

 

 I am an odd child, I will admit.

I like things most people my age would never take an interest in.

I’m sorry I’m different.

Different…

A word which means abnormal, feared or even on good terms unique.

What’s the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

A brillant song from a brillant band, I relate most of my life from songs like this.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, well how come no one can see the real me, buried beneath these layers of flesh? The real me that vanished.

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

A mask, a mask is what I wear something that hides my emotions. That covers my true identity, something I had lost long ago.

A thing I can ardently wish for but can never have: a normal life. A life where I don’t have to hide, a life where I could fit in.

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside

Vague images and voices speak to me, telling me to risk things I would never risk, to try something new.

Conscience long gone, and gut feeling no where to be found, I am alone haunted and clouded by these thoughts I call my own.

This is the story of my life
(And these are the lies I have created)
This is the story of my life
(These are the lies I have created)

Telling myself that I will make it, strive through another hardened day. Another day of torment and pure agony.

No one know’s for no one can break me, no one but myself.

Dear agony, just let go of me
Suffer slowly, is this the way it’s got to be?
Don’t bury me, faceless enemy
I’m so sorry, is this the way it’s got to be, dear agony?

Distant memories come rushing back, ones I have forgotten. Ones I do not yearn to remember, ones that I will never be rid of.

A dreadful reminder of what has happened, and what lies ahead theres no knowing of where I’m going, no where that I’m familiar with.

So I’ll find what lies beneath your sick twisted smile
As I lay underneath your cold jaded eyes
Now you turn the tide on me ’cause you’re so unkind
I will always be here for the rest of my life

For those who have read this little rant of mine, this is basically my life in a few verses of 3 very talented bands (In my opinion) My Chemical Romance, 30 Seconds to mars and Breaking Benjamin.

Finally I would like to show you all my biggest fear, one that correlates with yet another song, by Evanescence.

And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
‘Cause I can’t hold on to anything

This good enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?

My biggest fear revealed, may not seem life such a big fear, but my fear is never being good enough, for anyone or anything…

Come break me down…