Scratch that. Junior high school. Don’t post every pretty little poem that comes into your head. If you’re scratching your head and saying what’s he talking about, well … I’m probably talking about you. It’s getting really boring for people who aren’t still in the tenth grade. Yeah I know high school is tough, it’s tough for everyone. But this used to be a site for people who were suicidally depressed, not just going through teenage angst. Try Weekly Reader or Facebook. Guess I need to find a new site.
dylan and pretty boy
Another birthday. A year older, or just another day older, depending on how you look at it. The one just past was the worst year of my life. Maybe it will be better this year, or maybe it will be the year I kill myself. Haven’t decided. I was actually supposed to be born on January 14, but they took me early, on December 30. If things don’t get better in the next two weeks, and why should they considering they haven’t so far, maybe I’ll do it on January 14. Symbolic.
Just as I’m sending an e-mail to a guy who wants a partner to catch the bus, and responding to a post here about the same thing, I get a call from my doctor reminding me to call the hospital about going inpatient. Two opposite extremes and I’m not sure which I will do. I feel oddly more calm about ctb than I do about wasting more energy in getting well, which I can’t see happening. Too old, too tired, too done.
Visited my psychiatrist today. She thinks I’m ready for inpatient hospitalization. I’m so underwhelmed by the medical community that I really think it would be a waste of time. The thought of going inpatient scares the crap out of me, but it may come down to that or hanging myself with the laundry in the closet. May not be the right place to ask this question, but has anyone had a good experience going inpatient? I say it may not be the right place because if you had a good experience you probably wouldn’t be on this site. Everything […]
I’m feeling suicidal. People keep telling me “you can do it” (handling the depression and suicidal thoughts), but what if I don’t want to handle it? What if I don’t “want” to do it? My life is a train wreck, and although I might be able to put it back together, I just don’t want to. I’m tired. I miss my old life. I’m sad, so sad. And lonely.