apparently i am on god’s do not call list. for years i’ve battled depression, to no avail. i’m done. i’m almost 40, physically beautiful to many people (except myself), smart to the point where it’s tormenting (it’s a curse), depression is my cancer. i hate my life. it never improves despite numerous attempts at geting “help” — therapy, pills, yoga, you name it, i’ve done it. i’ve talked countless people off the ledge but as far as my pain nobody can ever give me the help i need. tonight, i’ve taken phentermine, alcohol, several red bulls, and 10 hydrocodone. my heart is doing crazy shit. […]