Let’s just honestly say, that many children’s creation upon this Earth was a mistake.  In several ways. People tend to deny these things, this entire post perhaps, but they avert their eyes when they do.  Then they rapidly change topic, start accusations of something you yourself have done, but they twist it around and make it sound as if they had no part in it….had no part in being the very reason why you did that (whatever it may be). And when you deny it, of being the sole factor in a certain exchanging of words, in a response, or an action, they lose what […]
What if you were told you only had a month left to live? And not because of cancer or anything? Â What would you do in that one month?
Rapidly spiraling
down,
down,
always downward.
Never up.
Envisioning in my mind
of blood running down my arm
my face
my stomach
my legs & ankles.
Feelings of nothingness.
Wanting to cry, throw up,
and turn away with guilt and regret.
Suicidal Tendencies come forth,
beckoning and pushing me away
from the temporary refuge
I had inexplicably found in dreams.
Regrets pile up around me
little post-it notes on the walls
covered in despair and insanity.
Incomprehensible thoughts running through my head
screaming in agony I bleed
scarlet rivulets create a river of inconsistencies.
We never get away from them. It’s near impossible. Same with getting the things that frustrate us to go completely away. Reading a book does no good. There are people(perhaps not human, but still people) in them, and they do and say things that frustrate us. Computer games, or games of any sort, don’t work. They’re either online games with people who degrade and hate on others, or are so nice you want to throw up. Or they have characters. Or they don’t interest you, have shitty graphics, and are extremely cliche/cheesy. Being by yourself doesn’t […]
It’s beautiful, the red,
dripping down my arm.
Joining and splitting,
like a river with many divides.
It’s all I see.
No matter where I look,
it’s there.
The beautiful red.
It seeps down through the water,
turning the light blue into a dark, dark pink.
My life’s pain and worries slipping away.
Finally it stops.
And I clean it.
Then another dream of nightmares comes into reality.
And everything starts over.
I haven’t done any of this lately, since my last razor died. Â But I was thinking about it again today, so I’m posting this poem I wrote in September last year because it reflects […]
My parents are fighting about money again. Â Bitching about how much money mom doesn’t make. Â It’s really really hard for this to not affect me. Â And it seems like all he ever does is belittle my mom. Â He’s trying to force her to get a different job, one that she doesn’t enjoy.
It’s too loud to act upon inspiration.
Â
Silence cannot be gained when humans are awake.
Â
Useless talking and a response of irritation.
Talking commences and whining ensues.
Â
Just shut up already. Â You have no point.
Â
Why are you still making noise.
Â
Go to sleep and stop hanging around me,
creating bothersome sound and pushing me around.
Â
Silence falls when humans sleep,
the world comes back to life while minstrels weep.
Â
Â
Â
Â
You can probably tell I’m not in the best mood. Â If you can’t, just know that whenever I write poetry and such, I’m probably not in the best of moods. Â Not necessarily angry or depressed. Â Just not positive.
The swaying of bodies to a rhythmic beat, the music mesmerizing anyone who watches. Â Colorful dresses of gossamer and silk swish and twirl as the tempo increases. Â Faster and faster, blending together in a painting of autumn and winter. Â A masquerade of feathers and masks comes to a brief pause, then the music changes and starts again. Â The smell of pumpkins and dried leaves floats in a slowly dancing spiral. Â A tempest of joy and excitement. Â Time flies, and dances go by, pulling everyone to its inner folds. Â Dancers falter, stop, and leave, their eyes sparkling with laughing tears. Â They leave, sitting awkwardly in their […]
Everyday I dream of winter. Â The warm blankets wrapped around me, while I stare out at the dark moonlit night, watching snowflakes drift past my window. Â This saddening feeling, of utter loss, while the sky and ground alike form puddles. Â Bending and twisting, falling and repeating, tears roll down my tired, worn out cheeks. Â The door closed behind me, the window open wide. Â A cold wind twists my hair about, ending in a messy curl about my neck. Â Memories slowly happen again before my eyes, reliving past joys. Â This old woman, with tears still in her eyes, smiles sweetly and warmly, before saying goodbye to […]
It’s hard to be at home, when all my parents do lately is fight with eachother. Â It’s usually about money or dad misinterpreting mom’s expressions into anger, and then becoming angry himself. Â After which he tells her that she’s been angry lately, with an ‘I’m right’ tone, which she denies because she’s not, and then he keeps going at it. Â I try and intercede, telling him to stop, that he’s wrong, and just trying to get them to stop fighting. Â Then he yells at me, telling me to stay out of it. Â The dinner table turns into a bubble of silence, weighted by tension and […]
I’ve decided upon a solution to my issues that I find works better than counseling.
A) Because counseling pisses me off.
B) Because I find that all of the 9 or 10 counsellors that I’ve seen in the past 5 years or so have tried to make me conform to what society deems normal or happy.
My solution? Â Trying to be as true to myself as possible. Â I know it doesn’t exactly sound like a solution, or it sounds like a cliche one, but it’s been working so far. Â For me, this means that if listening to ‘depressing’ music makes me feel a bit of peace or happiness, […]
The lines in my hands
tell you their wisdom
while the tears in my eyes
tell you I’ve cried
the things they’ve done
and what they’ve seen
haunt me by day and night
While fireflies go across the sky
My regrets and mistakes crowd in
choking me and making me disappear
beneath their heaving darkness
A bloody cross
is all I see
condemning me to silence
for eternity
Without a voice
without a word
I become invisible
A lot of people I know say that they are there for me. Â That they will listen to what I say and not make their own assumptions. Â But they are never there, and they never listen. Â They make their assumptions, and state their opinions as if they are the facts of the world. Â The counselors ask me questions that I mainly can’t answer, because it would give some secret away. Â And when I do answer, they say I’m lying, give their own answer, and decide that they are right. Â Even thought they don’t know the things they say about me. Â They are supposed to be […]
I hate sick people.  The one’s who are physically ill.
Why? Â Because people show a different kind of concern for them than for people who are ‘mentally ill’ or ‘have problems’.
The physically ill people get love, and warmth, and encouragement to get better. Â They get positivity. Â They get love.
The ‘mentally ill’ people get disgust, misunderstanding, hate, anger, and scorn. Â They are rebutted by society and only get negative feedback. Â They don’t get love. Â Instead they get shoved into a corner and hidden away, where nobody will have to see them, where nobody has to feel ashamed, because that one person isn’t ‘normal’.
Instead we get sent to see […]