WTF! so we get a call from the pharmacist and i answered it and i find my dad is still high heavy pain killers and overdosing, i give the phone to my mom and she hangs up crying my parents are getting divorced. i dont know what i feel or what to do, that was shocking and i didnt see it coming.
no, cuz u arent thinking, iv given hints that your the one who hurt me along with my ex oh god my ex has done more damage than u but u still hurt me only cuz i thought we were friends we understood each other u say “dont leave me here” ” i wont leave so easily” “im always here” was all of that a lie cuz now i hardly here from you i remember talking hours and hours til one of us fell asleep into the cruel nights. its like i lost a great amazing friend. where did u go?
8 fucking years and we got put together again wow im amazed how after that long we still act like best friends and now were back to being over 2000 miles apart but this time were doing it right were not going to go into 8+ years of silence i could see it in your eyes how happy you were to see me and sad i couldnt stay longer i even felt it as u held me close in front of our families. how everytime u let me out of your arms you looked so hurt. i know we get to do this right now […]
i give up, u hurt me, i have no body else why did u have too leave me? u said i mean too much too leave that easily. was it lie? im guessing, yes? :/ it hurts to know how many times iv been betrayed.
a week ago i met a guy that admited liking me and i like him problem is he lives at my friends house for the summer (which of course is how i met him) anyways i have to go down to my friends tonight we are all making cookies for my sister’s friend who is dying of cancer.my problem is when him and i met he asked me something which i said no too but to wait a while i told my friend now her mom knows and he knows i told everyone but my mom knows if my mom finds out she will not […]
cuz my parents almost break down into tears when they see a report bout deaths on the news and cause i can keep my sanity and calmness aparently im not empathetic and im heartless and uncaring. are my parents right? its stupid i do care im just not going to mourn about it. im so sick of my parents saying im a careless heartless unempathetic person.
people as in my parents. fuck all they say is for me to shut up and im pathetic and uncaring. PLEASE MOM AND DAD GET A FUCK’N REALITY CHECK! i do care bout others, why dont they see that. cuz i dont cry when i hear bout death? sure i feel bad but death to me isnt sad, doesnt make me uncaring. i wish my parents can see the good in me i may not be amazing but at least i have something to offer to the world, my parents(mainly my mom) has put me on talking restriction for being to annoying im not allowed […]
well this morning i woke up i felt so much better i was able stand on both of my feet but i was still a little limping i get to the arch of my room hallway and lean against the wall for balance and everything instantly become fuzzy and black spots appeared ( i have perfect vision!) i felt heavy and my dad walks downstairs and says “u feel okay?” i said “no” he told me to go back to bed my body couldnt respond i just fell over and hit the floor which than split my scab open from my leg so now there […]
wow, in order to forget the pain in my leg and ankle i have to over does on pills to give me a killer headache but im still miserable and in pain this is so fucked
when u meet someone start talking and we act like best friends and talk for hours and then all of a sudden rarely talk WTF i worry that i said something wrong or worry that somethings going on and they wont tell me. (not like it would be my business, i would just like to know) hmmm soo annoying makes me go crazy
anyone live in Idaho?
wells, today, actually every thursday in the summer means a break from my sisters’ demands, since she will be at a friends, but instead i decide to speed on my bike and flip right over it, now my legs is torn and it hurts just to stand this isnt much of a problem except i was supposed to hang with friends (rare, very rare) the one day i get out im forced to sit on the couch all day…grrrr this is fucked.
ugh! i knew faking it would come back and bite me someday that day would be yesterday and now all summer. one day 20 minutes and a guy fell for me??? but not ME my fake me! now he wants to get to know “me” all summer? great. should i fool him and keep my fake personality going? or should i open up and tell him EVERYTHING? suicidal, depression, cutting, everything, he already knows the worst part..that im a whore! haha perfect. what am i supposed to do..?
i have lost it i can tell. im not myself (not that i know who that is cuz i dont) i mean im not the way i used to be im not able to fake it i am so distant from life i dont wanna be here. i feel dangerous in a way i dont know what im ganna do next:/ my suicide attempt failed and turned into a cutting frenzy i guess i thought i could still make it, but still needed the self harm cuz my family has made it clear im a fuck-up a huge accident. being insulted by my own mom […]
wow, 10 huge 2 inch deep cuts hurt like fucking hell, the bleeding wont stop hmmm idk how i feel calm and alarmed at the same time??? ugh! why did i give in again to the cutting i was doing so good trying to quit now i gave in and now im in blood and tears but still remaining calm
im dead on the outside i feel it physically and emotionally im too sad to do anything but lay in bed my energy level to get outa bed is completely gone, i hope i just die tonight no more pain im to much of a fuck-up i have done everything wrong i cant fix i cant take my words back the world is to cruel if i die at night the darkness i feel will stay forever maybe thats not so bad i will die to get away and outa of the pain i miss everythin i lost but i cant have them back so […]
u left me here
alone
u say u care
i dont think u do
u say im amzing
i dont believe u
u say how u love me more than life
BS
u say though we’re young we’ll be
married
u say not to leave u
but u left me here
alone
why did u do that
u left me here for her
your ex
u say sometimes u love her more
than me
when im your girlfriend
or am i not
i dont know
u left me here
i tried calling
i tried everything
u ignore me
cuz u left me here
alone, sad, […]
yup:/ just lost a great friend to it and i can never have him back:/
ME.
underneath im: stupid, a loser, a loner, a cutter, unusual, different, shunned, hated, betrayed, embarrased, failure, sad, unloved, defeated, lonely, DEPRESSED. so strange i can make this seem untrue. i fake my way through life- “fake it til u make it” would that make me a liar? an attention seeker? i dont think so but i dont care what i think.. ha i dont even know who i am cuz i care what u think, i change all the time. just to make you happy. but that will neva happen cuz u will never be ok with me. dont feel bad its not just […]
just like always.