whatever u wanna call it..

ME.
underneath im: stupid, a loser, a loner, a cutter, unusual, different, shunned, hated, betrayed, embarrased, failure, sad, unloved, defeated, lonely, DEPRESSED. so strange i can make this seem untrue. i fake my way through life- “fake it til u make it” would that make me a liar? an attention seeker? i dont think so but i dont care what i think.. ha i dont even know who i am cuz i care what u think, i change all the time. just to make you happy. but that will neva happen cuz u will never be ok with me. dont feel bad its not just u its everyone. ok neva mind that lats sentence cuz u dont feel bad you dont care bout me but strangely i care bout u thats so screwed up isnt it?
outside u see: me, an average person who is happy, peaceful, pleasant, wanted, lovable, problem free. im sorry, now u already know the real me. if your my friend could u staythat way instead of walking away? i love you i wish if u loved me u’d tell me. your silence is hard to bare. where am i? somewhere in the middle of a pointless rant
well i would tell you exactly who i am, why i am, what i am. i would if i knew the answer. im sorry for being alive i know most dont want me. i dont blame you. i blame myself. maybe it would be better if u knew how often i cry wishing to be anyone else. maybe if u knew what i’ve been through hopeless i am. just hopless. i sit and wait for you to find me and tell me you’ll stay. but why would u stay. be hopeless with me? i cant ask for that, ok now how sad when fall asleep sometime i cant just sleep forever