ahhhhhh, i got my phone back which mean i got my bf to treat me nicely…except apparently “im too good” to be the way i am…(bf’s words) he HATES depression..whatever but hes nicer(: then met a new friend at school…and my family drama is dying down YES! finally EVERYTHING IS FALLING INTO PLACE…maybe i can finally be happy…ehh maybe happier but not completely
my bf..ahh we fight through smiles and tears..so he finally talks to me and i attempt to fix things. apparently what i had to say hurt him deeply..now im lost…did i get it through to him not to fucking ignore me or did i push him away???? guess il find out eventually:/ so thats that, then school is ok not hell so thats a plus…except i need more friends.. like always i get looked at and or ignored..but im learning to not care anymore..sooo yeah happy but depressed which is causng me not to eat i havent eaten anything in 3days:/ starving but the sight […]
OMFG. why? i text/e-mail/call my bf…i get silence i get vague answers….to questions-_- my friends contact my bf, he doesnt shut up bout how he loves me so much…why cant he tell me that the way he tells my friends:/ he is tryna make them jelous somehow?? idk. by saturday if he doesnt answer somehow…haha 1 week of silence since he came back to me after two months we’ve had some pauses has he claims its my fault cuz i pissed him off. anyway haha the usual. soo homecoming???? my bf lives 1000 miles away, but ive found some good guys that ive been hanging […]
wow. i LOVE school finally! everyone is sooo nice. i have a lot more friends then i ever had. so school went perfectXD i get home :/ sister takes her frustation out on me..she got in yet again another arguement with her friends. then i get out to go babysit THANK GOD! i get home and shes more pissed she makes me clean her room…and cuz i didnt make her bed quick enough she slapped me really hard and it stang like a mothafucka then she decided shed punch me til i cried…then finally my dad screamed at her to go to bed…and he kicked […]
well im bored as fuck. have to “get up” in 5 hours il probably stay up…so if anyone wants to talk bout ANYTHING e-mail me: hannahschelling.15@gmail.com
ok schools tomorrow….il be a high school freshman…i get a new start since i’m going to an uncommon school most people are going to the school across the street from me. i however am going downtown to get away. my parents say i betta not fuck this school up. like its my fault for the last 8 years well its not. if i can get these last 4yrs to be drama free it will lower my depression if not then i stay the same. this better break it somewhat otherwise idk what to do:/
i have the bestest friend in the world. ive had a few best friend before but he out rules everyone. sure i cant just walk over to him cuz he lives to far..sadly. but so what? the one thing i dont get is that after all i put him through with my multiple (some near fatal) suicide attempts he’s still by my side. he is the biggest reason i can still breathe to this day..i have moment when i fall but he pulls me back up eventually. without him id be screwed over maybe even dead..my best friend is the one of the best […]
by U. kill me oh kill me to save me from the pain. i see a couple and think of u, hold me dont let me go. i love you. i CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU. not that ur ignoring me cuz right now ur not. but i know if i dont get my phone back soon i can kiss u good-bye. nope i cant do that. EVERYONE HATES U. i dont get that. i know sometimes u just have issues but i rather work through them then forget everything. i hold on. and baby? u blinded me. cuz now i screw everyone and love […]
im followed everywhere sure yeah sis and i get along now but do i get to walk around or be in my room before dark. NOPE! im still a bitchess slave and forever will be:/
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but, I HATE BEING ALONE!
..umm yeah im not myself.
LEAVE ME ALONE!
but i hate being alone…HELP ME? im so confused. WTF??
im ready to. but I CANT. idk i must be this fucking stupid, i cant even kill myself, i fail..ive failed 15 times! though bout 11 were lousy attempts only to feel some pain in the end. im done, life is not fair. well damn that is right. school starts tuesday…im ok with that..i want my phone though…i either get it next week or in november for my birthday…(so my sister says) i partially believe her cuz dad said i get it back..i need my phone to fix my relationship…damn that sounds pathetic. ugh i feel ignored…alone. but im not. i have an amazing bf […]
i want peace.
with my family, i will never get it.
he doesnt listen to me, he doesnt care, he used to be perfect, i used to revolve my life around him. now idk why hes still my bf. idk why im still holding on
UGH! why? life is actually getting better. but guess what? i wanna die right now!? wtf up w/ that? idk nights just seem to hate me. so uh god im pissed and happy and all over the place…mostly annoyed though..no wait idk at all. i dont understand me either..im such a fuck up..
Ok so I gave up talking to my bf earlier cuz e kept getting mad an that made me cry it was our first real argument :L anyway my friend suggested I pretend I’m her to fix things so I text him saying it was my friend and the convo went like “r u cheating on Hannah?” hhis reply “no” “well u act like it” “how!” “ur mean and made her cry” then he said a Long rant on why I’m too good to be suicidal. What????? So tho isn’t the first I done this I also pretend to be my […]
Ugh. I just want my old bf the one I knew a few months back now two minutes in a convo and were fighting like never before he always makes me feel bad now I wanna end it all he won’t care like he said he would..…
uh yeah..idk anymore..PERFECT DAY! yet im still pissed….why? this is SUPER FUCKING HELLA DAMN ANNOYING! soooo…yeah in about 5 minutes i will enjoy life and in an hr il fucking hate it. XD DX haha uh yeah…
what!? i swear, 5 minutes ago i was happy…smiling even! today was a good day!! now im fighting back crying??? im worse…now I WANNA FUCKIN DIE NOW?! dear geezus i just wanna be happy an d stay thhat way.. BUIT NO IT DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT!? im sick of this…ok so what if i die? ha im sure my bf wouldnt mind. im sure my family as hell would NOT care, so why dont i just leave. NO SHUT THE FUCK UP! i have to be happy. sorry but bipolar wont let me but only on rare occasions, ugh. this makes everything so much harder. […]
yes i wanna die no i probably wont die idk what to think, everything else on top it all. makes me cray. today: good day. BUT IM SICK OF BEING IGNORED BY MY BF! idk what to say or do anymore. i think i might just stay a while longer..i just wish i had my bf by my side..
OMG! a week! finally im feeling a lot better…..but i still think of dying all the time..idk whats happening. im different..today was better then a lot of days but i still wanna die. i just want away from everything…im confused and just wanna give up. i feel worthless, and horrible…but im sure my best friend would disagree. idk get what he sees in me….i really dont cuz im not that amazing. i wanna leave i wanna die i know people would love me dead i know people love me alive but if im dead im sure they will love me more…speaking of love where […]