assuming that you will be alive..
fally
when I was a kid, I always imagined all my family, relative and friends and their relatives (even the ones I didn’t particularly like) to live together in a apartment complex. everyone I knew, always and forever together. like a 50’s Hollywood ending. I don’t think I can ever fathom the notion of saying goodbye. no matter how old I am, I just can’t. even at this age, I feel unable to accept even the basic rules of this game. that’s why I refuse to play it anymore.
Have you ever wondered or cared what will happen to what you leave behind after you are gone?
when thinking of leaving, I find myself only caring about these. they have no use to me anymore and I still don’t want them to end up in the hands of anyone else.
I wish I lived in ancient Egypt or something so that I could have them buried with me.
the worst part is our ability to adapt. no matter how much life has belittled you, you still get used to your new miserable status. you hate it, you hate it passionately and you keep thinking about your exit, only to realize that even your hatred and suicidal thoughts are becoming a part of your life and you find yourself getting used to it as well and it goes on forever. I think deep down we all are waiting for a miracle. as if we are laying on a bed of nails hoping it counts for something; that all these suffering will bring us salvation […]
and it’s hilarious when you think about it. all we do is to impress others. We work hard to gather money, build a decent life, keep our selves educated, sound intelligent and win every god damn conversation or stay in shape, look good, make great art, etc only impress, whether it is the opposite gender, to mate or your boss or co-worker which in the end leads to the same thing. we do that for so long until time takes all away and leaves you alone with your flabby skin and your memories of your struggle. and time does it quick. even if you manage […]
almost five months ago my life turned into a nightmare. days have passed and all these mixed emotions have kept building up. all are replaced by anger, just pure anger. I no longer paint, no longer meet any of my friends, stopped my jewelry making and tattooing business and pretty much every other thing I once liked to do. all I do is working on my plan. when I make it happen my next step will be to leave this unfair life for good. thankfully I hate the remaining family members I have and I wish them nothing but misery that they deserve. I hope […]