Do you ever just lay there and listen to the way your house breathes? Do you ever just lay there and watch as the shadows on your wall slowly change and grow as the time passes and the suns position changes? I can feel my depression breathing deep in my gut, spreading its shadow into my heart. It ways heavily and I fear there is not much I can do to stop it anymore. Slowing it seems to be my only option, but its triumph is inevitable. I hate feeling this way. I wish there was an option to surgically remove this depression and anxiety. […]
I’ve been in this new town for 2 and a half months now and my only friend is my roommate. This is a lonely life. How is everyone else’s life going?
A few years ago I discovered that I liked girls as much as I liked boys. It was kind of earth shattering at the time because I was part of a family that was completely against the “gay agenda” as they called it. I know it’s the same old song and dance. My family doesn’t understand me- blah blah blah. I was really worried about telling any of them. I figured I would tell them if I actually had a girlfriend or something. No big deal.
I did meet someone that very year. The first girl I was really interested in. She ended up making some […]
I painted this picture one day when existentialism was strong on my mind. I hadn’t painted it because I was feeling suicidal. I hadn’t painted it because I wanted some attention from my parents. I hadn’t painted it just because it looked cool. I painted it because it spoke to me. I hear a lot of negative opinions from all of my family about suicide. They say those people are cowards. They say those people don’t know how good life is. They say those people are selfish. They say those people are mental. Well I say different. I say suicide is damn ugly and suicide […]
I can’t really remember the last time I thought there was a God. I don’t think I was ever really into following God or the whole religious thing, either. The only thing I specifically remember that set my atheism in stone is existentialism. That shit changed me.
I’m wondering how many of you are atheist? I know there are some. Did you ever believe? If not, what changed your mind on the whole thing?
I would also like to note that I’m not your typical atheist. I would not be the person to push atheism in your face and tell you that you’re wrong for believe in […]
On Sunday I moved into my first apartment so I can be closer to my college. The apartments are set up like dorms so I got a roommate and its actually working out great. We’re very alike. I’d say we’ll get along just fine. And then I can’t help but think there is something else that will have to go wrong in my life for this to work out because my life is never just fine all the time. I’m hoping it can be something small.
I made brownies for us yesterday. Nutella brownies to be exact. And when I was pulling them from the oven […]
I’ve just discovered this one called Salt.
It seems he has a whole fan base.
So I went and read some of his posts.
I get it now
He’s definitely amazing
He’s really made me think.
So I indirectly thank you, Salt.
I hope, on some level, you understand how great you truly are.
Some people turn to physical self harm. Mostly this works for them. Mostly it works for me. I mean, it used to.
I’ve gotten better at this self torture thing. I don’t even need the physical aspect of it anymore. I don’t have to hide palpable injuries now.
Instead I have my mind. I can bring my mistakes and pains up to the surface faster than a blink of my eye. I know it all better than I know the palm of my hand.
Because really, I don’t even know the palm of my hand anymore.
I just want you all to know that you are damn beautiful
Maybe you don’t believe me
Maybe you don’t hear it as much as you should
But I promise…
You are beautiful
Yes, you are
I don’t really like sharing my ‘story’. It implies that this story is all I am, which in a way is completely true. We’re all just stories floating within the midst of each other’s stories. In school we had to take some quiz about ourselves so a college could rate highschoolers and how they felt or something. One of the questions we were asked was if we felt that our life was worthless. Talk about a loaded question, right? Maybe my life is worth something to me and my family, but to the rest of the world, I’m just one simple story. What impact have […]