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I painted this picture one day when existentialism was strong on my mind. I hadn’t painted it because I was feeling suicidal. I hadn’t painted it because I wanted some attention from my parents. I hadn’t painted it just because it looked cool. I painted it because it spoke to me. I hear a lot of negative opinions from all of my family about suicide. They say those people are cowards. They say those people don’t know how good life is. They say those people are selfish. They say those people are mental. Well I say different. I say suicide is damn ugly and suicide is damn beautiful.

Let me explain.

THE UGLY PART

You’re in pain.

You feel worthless.

You feel ugly.

You feel useless.

You feel like scum.

You feel you need to die.

There is so much ugly to the suicide.

But if you think about it, that ugly part isn’t suicide.

That ugly part is all the stuff that LED to suicide.

And for some ugly reason, it just so happens that you created the ugly yourself.

THE BEAUTIFUL PART

You get to be your own release.

You choose the place.

You choose the day.

You choose the time.

You choose the how.

You decide everything.

And when you’re at that end,

you soar away like a butterfly.

Your release yourself from your own hell.

I really really get the appeal. I really wanted it so many times. To just let it all go. But suicide turned out not to be my release. It isn’t for everyone, just like life sometimes isn’t for everyone. I found my release in living. I found it in just being me. But I really get how suicide give that same feeling for others.

I had hoped my painting would explain that to my family. Instead they grew overly concerned. I hope someday I can find the words, or the painting, that will finally show them what i mean.

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20 comments

liam89 8/12/2015 - 4:44 pm

Wow it’s very good, much better than those I have seen being sailed in millions of $$ but I doubt you really painted it.

flyingnorth 8/12/2015 - 4:59 pm

Lol it’s not that good, but I promise I did paint it
I looked at a picture I found online and changed it a little. The whole thing had been black and white so added color to the butterflies to kind of add to the point I was trying to make
I guess there really isn’t a way to prove that I did paint it, though, so i guess you can believe what you want

Jensen 8/12/2015 - 5:00 pm

You my friend…. you are freaking talented! That painting is fantastic!

flyingnorth 8/12/2015 - 5:01 pm

OMG thank you! I thought it was just kind of ehh..

Tristeza 8/12/2015 - 5:09 pm

They’re right, it’s a beautiful painting.

Hjerteblomst 8/12/2015 - 5:33 pm

Butterflies are free, and so are we. We are only free in death though, despite what people want us to believe. Yes i got the butterflies quote from a movie,sorry…
Nice painting 🙂

flyingnorth 8/15/2015 - 10:01 pm

Well Iove that quote!! It’s beautiful! And thank you!

donsmith78 8/12/2015 - 6:13 pm

That painting is beautiful i love it

flyingnorth 8/15/2015 - 10:02 pm

Thank you >.<

Diem S. Sky 8/12/2015 - 6:17 pm

The painting is amazing, I really like it!

flyingnorth 8/15/2015 - 10:04 pm

Thanks so much!

donsmith78 8/12/2015 - 7:54 pm

@flyingnorth you’ve inspired me to post my music which has inspired me to try to inspire others to post their art and music as well(well it was Tristeza’s suggestion)

flyingnorth 8/15/2015 - 10:07 pm

I didn’t expect such a great response! I’m glad I could help with inspiration!

PhantomCitizen43 8/12/2015 - 8:33 pm

I like it. I especially like how the explosion is going off and becoming like Birds. Flying away. I think we all want to fly away sometimes.

flyingnorth 8/15/2015 - 10:10 pm

Thank you! I agree.. flying away sounds amazing sometimes

clifton 8/13/2015 - 4:11 pm

i really like it and would be interested in buying a copy depending on price. some googling brought me here and i saw this picture and was very moved. i dont know art but i know what i like, please, let me know.

clifton 8/13/2015 - 4:49 pm

the rainbow butterflies look so much better than the original red ones.

flyingnorth 8/15/2015 - 10:27 pm

Wow thank you! Well it’s only a 6×6 inch canvas so it isn’t very big… I would say $60 and it would only take me a few days to make a copy and get it sent

mancbiker 8/21/2015 - 5:54 pm

The painting is beautiful and sums up how I feel. The only reason I don’t hold that gun to my head is that I have kids, late teens, who deserve better than to have to take my pain.

Wednesdays Child 8/21/2015 - 6:28 pm

It’s beautiful, moving and disturbing. I can see why your family freaked out. I wouldn’t want anyone I loved to have painted this painting, if you can understand me. It is eloquent of suffering.

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