Author

TheGlassChild

3 years later

by TheGlassChild 2/3/2017

written by TheGlassChild

This week, Quebec marks the twenty-seventh National Suicide Prevention Week. The week runs from Jan. 29 to Feb. 4

I felt the need of coming back here, and read the stuff I was writing few years ago, when I was at my worst.

I’m trying to find some words to help those who are now in deep distress, cause I’ve been there, and I should know what to tell those people.

The truth is that I don’t know which word can be used to really help, ’cause I do remember how all those hope messages made me feel worst when I was at my rock bottom. Life IS […]

2/3/2017 2 comments

Red Red Wine

by TheGlassChild 7/17/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I feel like I’m only attractive for mosquitos, right now. I’ve been having a terrible day. But who cares ? Really. Nobody does. When I don’t have any specific drama to tell to people, I have no right to be depressed. I probably invent myself a mental illness just to get attention. Yeah. Why not.

I’m kinda drunk. I know it’s dumb. I don’t even like to drink. It a self-destructive pattern. I wanna be damaged enough so people will say, “right yeah, I understand why you would give up, I would too. “

lol. Like it’s possible. People are all liars and they try to make us […]

7/17/2014 7 comments

turn of events

by TheGlassChild 7/8/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.

This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]

7/8/2014 2 comments

by TheGlassChild 6/5/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I’m freaking out. I’m fucking freaking out. I can’t wait anymore. I want her. I want her to want me. Why is she taking so much time ? Why doesn’t she miss me ? Why doesn’t she come back regretting everything and saying I’m the love of her life ? It’s not fair. Stupid shitty life. I don’t deserve this and I’m sick and tired to collapse under your vicious hits. This girl is meant for me and she doesn’t even realize it. She doesn’t even want me. What will I do, alone and miserable in my stupid small apartment. Without her. Without everyone.

I won’t […]

6/5/2014 4 comments

1 year later

by TheGlassChild 5/29/2014

written by TheGlassChild

Here I am. 1 year later. This post is the continuation of this one : http://suicideproject.org/2014/01/times-running/

Tomorrow, I’m supposed to decide if I can possibly ever be happy or not. If I can, I can’t think about suicide ever again. If I can’t be happy, I start planning my exit.

I did put a lot of efforts in the last year, to feel better. I took a lot of risks and changed a lot of things. I do feel better than I did last year, but sometimes, I still want to die.

I’ve been through some serious heartbreaks and I’m still in a major depression. Taking pills. Seeing […]

5/29/2014 2 comments

Tired

by TheGlassChild 4/16/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I thought I was feeling bad enough before. But apparently not. I still am trying to make things better in my life before “the date”. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do it. I wasn’t expecting so much drama and heart breaks. I am so alone right now. Everyone is tired of me and my depression. Everyone is so busy. I have nothing to look foward to. I have nobody to love. I have no passion left. I feel empty. I get this impression that I’m trying my hardest to feel better, but it’s never enough. Maybe I’m just not meant to […]

4/16/2014 1 comment

you

by TheGlassChild 3/17/2014

written by TheGlassChild

you are all good people and I really do care about you all.Â This message may seem un-personnal, but I really mean it.

You all deserve better. Just allow it.

3/17/2014 17 comments

sick

by TheGlassChild 3/2/2014

written by TheGlassChild

Iâ€™ve been going out with the same girl for over 5 years. Tonight, when everyone will be sleeping, this is gonna end. Those are simple words. Meaningless words for you all. But you donâ€™t know. Nobody knows. Youâ€™re not breathing my absence of air right now. Youâ€™re not filled with these sharp sticks inside your stomach. Youâ€™re all in your own world and it doesnâ€™t affect you at all. So why am I writting itÂ ?

To distract myself, maybe. To pause the destructive emotions. To use Mr. Brain and forget about Mr Heart for few minutes.

She will cry a lot. She will definitly hate me. She […]

3/2/2014 2 comments

Someone new

by TheGlassChild 2/24/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I’ve met somebody online..

This person is making me feel better than anyone ever did before. This person has an endless capacity to love people. This person is stronger than anyone I met before. This person is positive and happy right now. Maybe ’cause she knows her time will come soon ? I don’t know that, but it’s surprising how a terminally ill person can make me wanna live.

I wish she could stay alive. But maybe she wouldn’t be the same person, and I need to enjoy her “presence” while she’s still there.

2/24/2014 3 comments

Thirsty

by TheGlassChild 2/17/2014

written by TheGlassChild

This isn’t really how I feel NOW, but I wrote that earlier this week ’cause this is something I do a lot :

Bath time was over. It was enough. So I pulled the bathtub plug. Then the water started to go away, slowly. I didnâ€™t really want this bath to end, so I stayed there waiting for the water to vanish. Then I started thinking about you. About how it was over and that I didnâ€™t really want it to end. When the water was leaving me, I felt as insecure as I was when you first started to walk away. At first, it was […]

2/17/2014 8 comments

Fear

by TheGlassChild 2/10/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I’m scared to live, so I wanna die. I’m scared to die, so I try to live. Stuck in the middle and the hollowness is too heavy. The logical thing would be to face the fear to live, before the fear to die. But I’m not logical and I want an easy answer, though I know there aren’t any.

2/10/2014 4 comments

huh

by TheGlassChild 1/30/2014

written by TheGlassChild

Each time, my heart finds a more inappropriate person to love. Pretty sure one day I’ll end up in love with a cartoon character.

But what I’m telling you now makes no sense and I’m sorry. I love too many people, too much, and I’m just not a very good person. I mean, I don’t cheat physically, but I do it a lot emotionnaly.

Sorry for this confusing post.

1/30/2014 15 comments

rejection

by TheGlassChild 1/22/2014

written by TheGlassChild

it’s not a big problem, sorry.Â And I would have discuss it in a chat, but hey, it’s blocked here at my work.

Why on earth do I always feel so stupid, disappointed and empty when I ask someone to see me, and they can’t ? Really ? My mind knows it’s not personnal, but I can’t help the feelings.Â I rarely am courageousÂ enough to offer activities to people, and when I do, it’s always like this. Well, maybe not always, but you know what I mean…

1/22/2014 2 comments

the continuation

by TheGlassChild 1/18/2014

written by TheGlassChild

For those who read my post yesterday, I feel the need to give you a feedback on how things went last night.

So I did talk with my friend. I was really anxious about it and unsure if she was the right person to tell everything. Some of you gave me a little strength to just try it. and I gave it a shot. I’ve always been a better writter than a talker when it comes to feelings and I thought I wouldn’t be able to express it clearly enough. But I did, and I guess that the way I told her things were ok ’cause […]

1/18/2014 7 comments

how to share with a friend ?

by TheGlassChild 1/17/2014

written by TheGlassChild

Hey guys. I need some advices here. I know at the end it’s totally up to me but I don’t know, maybe you could help.

I’ve been feeling very very down the last 3 weeks. I was really giving up about life. I did post something about this not long ago. Somehow, yesterday, I found the strengh to tell a friend that I needed to talk. We talked a little bit by text message and I asked if she could find time to meet in real person to talk. And she said yes. Seriously, I know Im not lucid now ’cause I’m hurt and it was […]

1/17/2014 8 comments

I can’t help it

by TheGlassChild 1/13/2014

written by TheGlassChild

Seriously. There are probably people crying as hard as me right now, because they are sick and they’re going to die and they want to stay alive and healthy. And im here crying because I’m forced to be alive and I wanna die. I could say its unfair but I stopped hoping things to get fair in life anyway! Â I just can’t stand it anymore.

1/13/2014 2 comments

If you wanna talk

by TheGlassChild 1/12/2014

written by TheGlassChild

you can talk to me on my fake Facebook page if you want : https://www.facebook.com/missholly.grey

1/12/2014 0 comment

The doubt

by TheGlassChild 1/10/2014

written by TheGlassChild

The thing that make me doubt the most about killing myself… it’s that I fear I would not really get this relief feeling that I’m searching for. You know, you’re in pain, and you just don’t want to feel it anymore… but I think that when you’re dead, you don’t even realize that the pain is gone, ’cause you know, you’re not alive to feel it. If I could be guaranteed that there is something after death. That there’s another world where you can enjoy not to be alive anymore… i would be gone for a while now.

1/10/2014 9 comments

time’s running

by TheGlassChild 1/9/2014

written by TheGlassChild

I was sad to see that most posts here are from young teenagers who are depressed. I thought they are too you to be this unhappy. Then I realised… I haven’t been happy since I was like 10. So what. People keep saying anything to keep us alive; that things can get better, that things can change. In a way, yes, i had some happy moments in my life (Im 30), I improved alot. But in the end, when I go to sleep, more often than not, I just wish to never wake up again and I’ve been feeling like this for a long time. […]

1/9/2014 6 comments