Well I’m here at the lake, just me my gun and what’s left of this case of rocky tops. For once I’m finally at peace, I watched the sunrise an set an besides that I’ve done absolutely nothing today and loved it. I’m ready this time no panic, no fear everything is just dare I say peaceful. My heart is pounding as I write these last words but not racing just steady hard pumps, I’m a bit anxious with anticipation about what’s going to happen after I pull the trigger so I’ve sat aside any preconceived notions about the after life and just take it […]
This morning I watched the sun rise as I have for quite a while now, it’s always the same but yet always different. This one was really special tho for it will be my last, it’s such a beautiful sight it’s like today it rose just for me. Today the sun shines just for me.
Can you hear the sorrow?
Can you feel the melancholy?
30 second run time
Imagine this contained in the skull, I’m 99% certain this will be an instant death.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7w4M-LNXuQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player
So it’s officially the 12th, which still leaves me four more long days (sigh) but I’m rather excited the end is coming, slowly but surely. It’s a fitting end tho, or at least in my case the old saying stands true (live by the gun you’ll die by the gun) an I’m fine with that. As my hours count down I swear I can hear death calling my name, but y’all probably wouldn’t understand. It sounds so sweet, I get to shed all my struggles an sin I’ve been living in
Death = freedom
And that brings a true smile to my face
6/16/13
That’s father’s day, and it’s finally going to be a good one.
My mind tells me that I am a prisoner trapped in my own fuckin body. I so desperately need to be free from this little thing we call life, to just leave this God forsaken planet. I have so much rage, hate, and anger pent up in side me I literally feel as if I could explode, I try my best to keep it under lock an key (I mean what kind of man can’t even control his own emotions) but sometimes it gets the best of me and I usually end up trying to cave someone’s face in. And it feels great at the […]
I just want to destroy something “beautiful”
In 2 weeks an 1 day I’ll be dead and I have nothing left to say, I’ll probably post on here a few more times just to express some feelings and the day of an that’s it
I have spent countless hours staring at this gun, familiarizing myself with it. I dare say I know it intimately, how much it weighs empty vs with a full cylinder how much force it takes to for the hammer to start to draw back and everything.
I often hold it to my temple, and in my mouth dry firing it. Practicing for the real thing, I have removed the front sight on it making it more comfortable in my mouth.
When I first started doing this I would jump everytime I heard the empty click, I don’t anymore. I can now pick up the gun […]
Why-
Due to my condition and lack of managing it properly my health is going down hill and fast. So rather than going through dialysis, loss of my sight, hearing, touch, motor functions and possible amputations…well ya know. I’d rather go fast than slow.
My plan-
I recently got a 357mag I’m going to put it in my mouth and squeeze and hopefully remove my brain from my skull. I figure this plan is petty flawless and should result in a quick passing. I’m not going to.leave a note or anything just kinda go missing. I kinda don’t want anyone to find my body just […]
I hope death will bring me peace
I hope this will be the last time I hurt
I hope it works this time
I know I deserve this pain but I can not take it anymore
I know I deserve everything I have coming my way