Author

FreakOfNature

Empty..

by FreakOfNature 11/3/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I just feel so empty..I’m so tired of the same bullshit lines.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s a phase, it’ll pass.”

“It get’s better.”

It doesn’t fucking feel like it. Nothing will ever be okay. I’m just a waste of space and I have no purpose on this planet. I wish I could just disappear. I wish death was an easy process because this life doesn’t seem worth living. No one honestly gives a shit. I tried to reach out for help but I’m just laughed at. Ignored even.

“You don’t even have anything to be depressed about.”

“Just get over it.”

I wish it was that easy. I hate feeling this way. I […]

11/3/2015 3 comments

I Feel Stupid.

by FreakOfNature 10/8/2015

written by FreakOfNature

So I just got my first job and I don’t know. I want to be happy about it but I feel like I’m just going to fuck it up bad. I feel like I’m going to do or say something stupid and everyone is going to remember it and I’m terrified I’ll be humiliated and I just want to cry even thinking about starting my first shift is making me want to burst in tears I don’t know if it’s just jitters or what but I feel like I’m going to simultaneously vomit and cry I don’t know what to do. I’m panicing so bad […]

10/8/2015 6 comments

OfMice&Men

by FreakOfNature 5/6/2015

written by FreakOfNature

“A cut cannot heal,

Unless you leave it alone

I open my mine’s daily

Leaving bones exposed”

5/6/2015 0 comment

by FreakOfNature 5/4/2015

written by FreakOfNature

“We’re all just floating around, waiting for someone to walk on water.”

5/4/2015 1 comment

Honestly..

by FreakOfNature 4/28/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I hate it when people say, “It gets better”

Like how the fuck do you know? What if it doesn’t get better. What if I just continue to fail miserably? What if everything just gets worse? Was worth waiting around? Was it worth trying so hard every day, to just fall flat again?

I don’t think I’m willing to keep following the cycle.

4/28/2015 2 comments

by FreakOfNature 3/13/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I am ashamed to live in this generation. I am ashamed to like in the U.S. I am ashamed to live in this world.

It’s disgusting. Women or men murdering their childern for their own selfish needs. Teenagers getting pregnant just to give the child to their mother to take care of while they go out and party. Grown men attacking teenaged boys and girls because they don’t like the way they dress. Grown women with fucking kids acting like a goddamn child that doesn’t get their way. Or these outrageous standards that most women put for men, or vise-versa.

Teachers raping or molesting their students. Teachers and/or […]

3/13/2015 2 comments

Joel Faviere- If You Knew

by FreakOfNature 3/12/2015

written by FreakOfNature

They think you’re crazy.

They think you’re mad.

They call you stupid, worthless, tell you you’re not worth it.

Now you’re walkin’ back, to a place you call home,

but you feel so alone.

The same hurtful hits, it’s your darker place.

In your virgin ears, the remarks they make.

And if they, if they really knew all of those things.

That you do in your room, to hide the pain.

I bet their minds would change.

I’ll bet their minds would change.

They’d change, If they knew the pain.

I believe in these scars, I believe.

3/12/2015 0 comment

Fanfiction.

by FreakOfNature 3/11/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I often read fanfiction about my davorite band members. I noticed a lot of people would get upset because they “romanticize” suicide, depression, selfharm, disorders, and so on. Yet, I never looked at it that way. I would always think of it as a way that it gave me hope that eventually some one would accept me the way these members would in the stories. Sadly, I can never say that out loud or express my opinion about it because I’d immediately get attacked online or whatever that i’m this horrible person for thinking that way […]

3/11/2015 1 comment

June.

by FreakOfNature 3/11/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I’m going to go by my middle name, which is Briana, i’m 16 and obviously a girl. I decided that in June, I will die.

I wanted to do it on a month when no one in my family has birthdays or anything special going on. Reason why? I don’t to ruin anyone’s ‘special’ events during that month. I have now, until June to get my sister out of the house. I do not want her there when it happens, let alone have a 6 year old find me. I am planning everything down to the time.

I’m not sure how I plan to do it, but […]

3/11/2015 9 comments

rant.

by FreakOfNature 3/4/2015

written by FreakOfNature

So, my only actaul friend that I have, is embarrassed to tell people that we hang out. I kind of picked up on this a few months ago when a few of her other friends didn’t like me so for a while she wouldn’t talk or hang out with me. Then she started messaging me to come over to my house to drink all the time, and that’s about it. Any time I offered her to come with me to the mall or movies, she’d tell me she’s busy. Eventually, I found out that she blew me off to hang out with people who strongly […]

3/4/2015 6 comments

Keep Myself Alive from Get Scared

by FreakOfNature 3/4/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I always ask myself

How could this darker cloud make me stronger now.

I’ll always ask myself

When will this go away?

When will this change?

Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.

All of this pain,

Oh! will it, will it go away?

I ask myself this everyday.

[Chorus:]

I just wanna leave this place behind.

Every time I see your face in mine.

I just wanna leave this place behind.

Every time I see your face in mine.

I sink and drink myself to sleep.

Of course I think I’m a lot stronger now.

I gotta catch myself

To kick this over, make it go away.

When will this change?

Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.

Ohhh! of this pain!

Oh! will it, will it […]

3/4/2015 0 comment

Her Last Words from Courtney Parker

by FreakOfNature 3/3/2015

written by FreakOfNature

Just an average girl,

She always wore a smile

She was cheerful and happy for a short while.

Now she’s older, things are getting colder

Life’s not what she thought,

she wished someone had told her.

She told you she was down

And you let it slip by

So from then on she kept it on the inside

She told herself she was alright

But she was telling white lies

Can’t you tell, look at her dull eyes

Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night

But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright

Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves

‘Cause those cuts on her wrist were bleeding through you see

She knew she was […]

3/3/2015 2 comments

by FreakOfNature 3/2/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I have a handle of vodka, antidepressants, and a razor.

I haven’t properly slept in a little over a week. I’ve probably slept about 4 hours the most.

When I do sleep, I get these nightmares of the same thing. When i’m awake, I see the creature everywhere I go. The voices in my head won’t shut up.

I just want to be free. Is that too much to ask? I feel like a zombie half time. Sleep is my enemy. My mind is hazardous.

I’m tired of crying, i’m tired of sleepless nights, i’m tired of being being tired. I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore.

3/2/2015 23 comments

What Would Happen?

by FreakOfNature 3/1/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I know I want to leave this life and all, but I’m scared of what will happen after I die..

In the family I grew up in and what I’ve been taught and so on, is that if there is indeed a god, he would send you to hell for taking your own life. In different religions it’s different outcomes, but what if I do take my life and I do get sent to hell..i’d be forced to keep reliving my life. The life i’m trying to get away from.

I always thought if there was a god, and if you did take your life, he would […]

3/1/2015 2 comments

by FreakOfNature 3/1/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I get crap for literally everything.

My music, my hair, my weight, my face, my personality, my sexuality, just everything.

I’m so tired of it..I know it seems ridiculous, but every day I get told to kill myself or hurt myself in general. I know I could just ignore it, but it’s not that easy when it constantly happens.

I don’t want to exist anymore. I won’t be hard to be forgotten. I’m just a waste lf space, time, and life. People have tried to help me, but it feels like there’s this darkness that kust pulls me back. No matter how hard I try. It’s killing me. […]

3/1/2015 4 comments

I’m giving up.

by FreakOfNature 2/26/2015

written by FreakOfNature

Since I was 8 years old I started to selfharm..when I was 11 I became suicidal. I’m 16, almost 17, and I’ve developed several mental illnesses throughout my life. I’ve tried getting professional help but it’s never gone well. I’ve tried talking to my mom about it but she says I just want attention, so i’ve kept it for so long. I though of several ways to take my life…from overdose, to hitting a vein, anything really. What’s kept me from doing it is my youngest sister. I take care of her every day and she’s so attached to me.. i don’t ever want her […]

2/26/2015 1 comment