I need a gun, i cant think of any simpler way of going quickly and the most painless,…i just want to escape ….if i had a gun i would be dead, would have been dead a long time ago. Everyone in the world cant even be around me because i bring them down with my awkwardness and futile deep deep deep deep dark dark dark dark depression,…i just want to escape or DIE . even my family cant stand me anymore, they cant understand that the reason i seclude myself is because i will bring them down with me. Its for their own good that […]
Im convinced that im losing my mind, …as each day goes by my mental status crumbles just a bit more. I’m so sick of being alone, but at the same time its all that I want. I dont know what I want anymore. I need someone to love again, . .Im going about it the wrong way, forcing myself into dates from online sites , and than feeling guilty afterwords because I dont want anything to do with that person again. Or just feeling ashamed. I am afraid of myself. Afraid of what I might do or say. I dont even know what Im saying anymore. […]
Woke up from a very disturbing nightmare, into this life that is a nightmare that i live in. Even with my daughter waking up beside me it still cant save me from the brutal reality. I live with my grandparents still,. my grandma has fibromialgia, depression, and barely talks to me, i hate her, im trying to watch Bella and shes sleeping on the couch, i asked her to move she wouldnt, said she wasnt like “sleep sleeping” lol *****. I fucking hate her, i know she heard me screaming this morning as i woke up, i seen her, she said nothing. Ill do it […]
cant sleep, cant eat, when i sleep i have bad dreams about the mother of my daughter who im sure by this point is seing someone else…Or dream about myself in horrible situations,…Im so down I cant even be around the part of my family that i love without depressing them away…i wake up just needing to cry but can only dwell, and roll around in cold and hot sweats, thinking about dying or just hiding somewhere for a long long time until i can get my mind right again, my skin crawls with nerves.. i get so depressed around people that i keep getting looked at […]
were would be the best place to hang myself? I need ten feet.
Why must there be so many people here? Feel like everyone is watching me closely. I’m on trial everyday it seems, I have had alot of repressed memories revived,… everyday since its happened i can do nothing but think about it. My girlfrind, and mother of my child, cant even look at me anymore because she can tell i am just paranoid all of the time. She isnt very opened minded but i still love her. I love my daughter, but im afraid im going to grow to be an old paranoid recluse, which i basically am now. My judgement is so clouded suicide has to be […]