I think falling prey to a madman on a mass shooting spree would be pretty badass, or some hot girl to rip my heart out like in a mortal combat fatality. Either of those would be awesome.
I havent been on here for almost a year, I wish i could say im a better person. The loneliness got so bad I actually decided to force myself to go to school. I lasted several monthes until I got so miserable I went back on independent study. I cant for the life of me understand why im so fucked in the head, in the time at school I actually made some friends. But of course, they slip through my fingers once I went on independent study. I did gain one thing from my time there, i met a girl. A beautiful mexican girl, we […]
Its nights like these that I really fucking miss what we had. Holy shit we clicked like I never had with anyone else. I miss laying bed with you watching anime or some other lame ass shit on your lap top. Then making trips at 1 am to the store and picking up $40 worth of junk food. I wonder if you give a shit all the time. That maybe if I gave you a call or a text maybe we could try again. I know that will never happen, but it feels good thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I didnt have these memories […]
Im 16, I do independent study. People just say “join a club” or “find a hobby” but I dont even know where to start. I dont really have any hobbys, Â I kickbox and do jiu jitsu 3 times a week but its only adults in there. What are some examples of youth clubs that are usually in towns? I can feel myself cracking without anyone to share this this life with.
I have it so good. Its just most the time I focus on the shitty stuff. Like today I just told myself “why are you deppressed? Even though you have no friends, you just got all A’s this year, and now you can sit on your ass and play video games all week” and I actually felt a little bit better. its a lot like sprinting ahead of the storm cloud above your head, but you know when you get tired it will catch up.
I wish i could go back  and do things differently. Now im stuck. I guess thats just the way life goes, although I know I would die if I knew I could come back new. i didnt know someone my age could carry so much regret. It only really hurts when I see something that that reminds me, like today i saw the snack gummies that we used to eat whilst we stayed up all night long watching stupid movies. I did everything you asked of me, and would literally have pulled my heart out and given it to you if you needed it. How […]
Lately ive been spending the majority of my rime on the computer playing video games. Its the only thing besisdes drugs that actually make me forget that im me. I can actually be someone else in a different world. It doesnt make me feel so alone too. I know i shouldnt let consume my time but how much does it really matter? Im not really missing anything. Anyone else experience this?
Its not so much that i cant, its that theres no reason too. I have no friends or anyone who cares to see me. Whats the point? I have nothing. I dont know how I let it get like this. without someone to share this life with, i will surely wither and die in this bed.