After almost a year, back to square one.

I havent been on here for almost a year, I wish i could say im a better person. The loneliness got so bad I actually decided to force myself to go to school. I lasted several monthes until I got so miserable I went back on independent study. I cant for the life of me understand why im so fucked in the head, in the time at school I actually made some friends. But of course, they slip through my fingers once I went on independent study. I did gain one thing from my time there, i met a girl. A beautiful mexican girl, we liked each other a lot it seemed. Once i left i promised to keep in touch, and I tried hard to do so. Shes been unavailable almost every weekend, so I cant see her. She said that she has a boyfriend, but she still gave me kisses and acted romantic with me. I know it was wrong but she made me feel unbelievable. Ive been trying to get my mind of her lately. Since i left, ive been completely alone. Ive been trying to keep myself healthy, i go to the gym everyday. But the lack of companionship has been eating away at my mental health, i can almost feel it. Ive been scaring myself lately, the thoughts ive been having. Theres really nothing i can do but wait. Even still, all I want is a companion. Fucking anyone, i need someone i can spend time with. I want to make good memories, at 17 i have very few I can remember.