helloiamdepressive

sometimes i just get so fucking depressed.. and think all these negative and suicidal thoughts.. never really knowing why.. and also never actually realizing i am depressed.. until the next day i’m like hey wtf was that the other day..

kind of makes it hard to move along in your life when you’re like this..

i guess this mental illness thing is really real.. i don’t know i think it’s better to come to terms with it.. accept it.. and not blame yourself for it.. and just live your life knowing that it’s there…….. be a bit sympathetic to yourself for it..

i’m growing up a bit in […]

reading some of the things written here.. i cant even begin to imagine what it feels like to be those who are really really down..

im up and down.. honestly i still have many things in my life that give me reasons to live but so many things frustrate me still.. and those things coupled by fucking automatic negative thinking.. suicidal mindset.. makes it worse..

you know but i think i’m turning a new leaf.. (finally) i feel like i’m growing up.. because i know i can make my grass greener.. and truly believe all y’all on this website can too..

there’s always something out there.. that gives […]

all i want in life.. is to be successful, marry someone i really love, make them really happy..

and just be good at what i do.. such a struggle right now.. im alone at home 90 percent of the time trying to finish school at 30.. it’s hard man.. everyone looks down on you.. my brother goes to work every morning and i see him every morning.. my whole family knows im at home alone.. im broke most of the time.. its so hard sometimes.. but hey pray to god itll all be fking awesome in the future..

i just really wanna make good of myself and […]

a man is what he thinks about all day

im known to be a whiner.. i shouldnt but ive been itching to whine and vent..

so after my disastrous breakup w my ex gf.. i told her i was schizo and went ape shit on her.. i said to myself no girlfriends until you get ur act together..

but i’ve had a chance to be with somebody.. but i rejected it in my head and it’s so frustrating.. my confidence kinda dropped to.. she’s probably getting tired of waiting for me to chase her but maybe not.. but it’s frustrating nonetheless so frustrating..

anyways i figure don’t think about […]

well.. sometimes I have things on my mind that I really can’t just blurt out to anyone.

anyways, I just wanna be a better person, find someone really cool, get married, and then just be the best and give the best that I can give. I don’t want to kill myself, so many people love me it’s just not fair. so I just gotta keep my head up.

godamn these past few days i’ve been feeling SOOO fucking depressed.. it’s weird and it’s really bad..

even in this past year.. when I was moping or whatever.. it was ok, I was still getting with girls.. or there was always something that was contradicting my feelings.. but this is some real shit.. this is how i felt when I was 16.. quiet, depressed and low on confidence..

I kept on thinking about suicide and I actually was considering it.. though I don’t think I would ever have the balls to.. but I feel like 27 is the threshold age for people who deal with this kinda […]

anonymity on the internet is an illusion so if someone really wanted to look up the things I wrote online and who I really was they probably could.. but who would anyways?

I’ve been waking up at 6 am every single day.. no matter if i slept at 3 am, was drunk, was so tired from school, I always automatically wake up at 6.. I guess that’s a sign of depression..

but in any case I think a part of growing up is realizing how shitty life is and just.. being patient with that fact.. honestly if I think about it my life isn’t all […]

checkitout

this is the first time i can remember.. since about 16 years old (im 30 now) that I’ve felt this kind of negativity and depression..

i remember all those years back I used to feel so hurt and depressed and sad.. and I was always really quiet and insecure..

its all because I had all these negative thoughts.. like insecurity.. just telling myself i’m no good i’m no good like every second of the day..

life’s been quite shit lately and it’s all beginning again and I can see the core of my problem..

i am in a f*cking rut.. unemployed.. just broke up with my gf.. and im […]

godammit.

now my ex is w some other dude. this is bullshit. like… i can get all these girls… but i just cant seem to keep them…

this is like the 4th time its happened.. im schizo.. and sometimes i just get really emotional and blow up.. well i did that with this last one and she basically couldn’t take it.. urgghh

things weren’t going so well in my life at that time.. so i kinda just went all negative on her.. and she didn’t like it and it was topped off by an explosion of anger and arghhh

i know its just life.. its a lesson learnt.. that […]

yeah I dunno if this is a good idea.. but venting is ok right?

well I just broke up w my gf.. like 2 months back.. around the same time i lost my job.. i’m working now but its just teaching some like 2 hours a day..

socializing has been quite a difficult thing for me.. esp in the workplace.. my previous job was alright cuz I could relate to the people better.. they were cool people and liked to go out and stuff.. this new place.. they’re nice but they’re more square so i can’t quite fit in.. anyways.. so it’s teaching for 2 hours.. and […]

a quick note to all you depresso’s out there. this is coming from an aging depressive who is starting to realize a number of things over time…

after spending the most of my life moping.. recently i kinda had a downfall w my gf and i think its pretty much over now.. i smothered her w my negativity and she couldn’t take it..

anyways kids. you only live once. things might seem shitty now. and all of you might wanna shoot yourself. but think of it this way. you live for like 70-90 years right? think of life as a gift, a game and an adventure. you’re […]

so i just broke up with my girlfriend.. well not officially yet.. but I really really fucked things up.. I was diagnosed w Bipolar when I was 18 and life kinda just stalled at that point and I’m struggling up till now.. I haven’t finished college yet and I’m 27.. because of that reason.. I just keep dropping out cause I have a problem being around loads of people (it’s an on and off thing, I’ve had a few gf’s and conquests since then and I do have good friends but yeah)

anyways.. so recently I failed to get a job I really wanted because of […]