I always end up fucking up my friendships, and any opportunity given to me.
What’s the point in trying anymore?
I cut again…. this time in a place that no one will see.
My friend has ignored me all summer, and now that school started it’s really sad to pass him on the bus in awkward silence, and to see him in school and to walk right by him. I figured I would try one more time and if he didn’t talk to me, then I was done trying. He ignored me again… 🙁 This really makes me sad because we used to bereally good friends, and now he wants nothing to do with me and I miss his presence in my life so much.
I hope you all had […]
I told the person I trust the most in this world, my best friend, something I had been holding back from everyone. It is one of my deepest secrets. She was nice about it but…. I can’t even explain her reaction. I was expecting her to be more sympathetic, but she really didn’t help at all /: I don’t know what I was expecting, but now I just feel more alone than I ever have. I feel like I don’t have anyone to turn to anymore. Sure, she is still my best friend. But now I feel as though I CAN’T talk to her about anything, […]
There are 1,600 people in my school and I feel so alone. I have a lot of friends, but I can never truly be myself around them. No one understands me and they all think I’m weird if I say the “wrong” thing, so I have built a wall between me and them. The only person who I can truly be myself around has moved thousands of miles away /: It just makes me so frustrated that out of all my friends at school, none of them truly know me.
I want help. I want my parents to know what I have been going through, how depressed I am, how I’ve been/am suicidal. I want them to know that I got my scar from a knife, not from falling down. I want to get better, be happier, I don’t want death to be an everyday thought. I want to enjoy life.
But at the same time, I don’t see how ‘professional help’ will actually help me. I would probably be prescribed anti-depressants. As much as I don’t like being depressed, I feel as though if I don’t have those emotions going through my mind I’ll feel empty. Kind of like […]
In my mind I am beautiful
but my eyes glance upon my reflection
and in my mind I am uglyÂ
ugly ugly ugly.
ugly.
Why can’t I be beautiful like you?
Or you?
Or you?
I just can’t seem to let the past go, even though I know I should.
I hate my father for things he has done years ago, even though now in the present he tries to get close to me. I just push him away, or give him one-word answers. It makes me feel like a horrible person because here I am with a father that loves me and yet I hate him.
I hate my ex-best friend for the mean things he has said to me, even after he apologized 28492741 times and even SAVED MY LIFE.
I still think about rude comments that random people have said […]
I always start typing a post, but I can’t accurately write down my emotions.
This happens every night.
There is no way for me to explain in words what is going through my mind.
She walks with her head down
No one cares enough to see her perpetual frown
She has created an illusion
In which people only see her grin.
Inside her soul is on fire
LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR
Her spirit is slowly dying
She is always CRYING.
She silently screams for the world to hear
But they turn a deaf ear
And a blind eye
and so she whispers good-bye
Good-bye to all the people that never cared about her
And with one last stir
She cuts the knife deep into her skin and DIES.
I tried to be happy[ish] and stop putting myself  down so much, but it didn’t really work out. I was relatively happy for about 3 months, but I don’t think I was happy at all. I forced myself to not think anything bad, and I would always push a ‘bad’ thought out of my mind as soon as it appeared. It was mentally tiring, I guess. So I gave up. If I am to be happy, I want it to be real and not me just being in denial. So now I’m back to being depressed. Although I have to say I am a lot […]
It’s not your fault, it’s mine. For thinking you were everything you’re not. I set such high expectations for you, and you turned out to be totally different from what I thought. And…. it’s not you I should blame, it’s not you I should be angry at. It’s me, because I built this fantasy in my head, I turned your personality into what I wanted it to be, when in reality that’s not YOU. You did nothing wrong, you were just being you. And I was just being me… setting expectations that people, and myself, are bound to fail.
Do you know what its like to look in the mirror and hate what you see? Do you know what its like to live your whole life the laughing stock of society? Do you know what its like to go through life hating yourself, but knowing that you can’t do anything to change yourself? Have you ever been about to take your own life, all because of the way you look? Do you have that red scar on your left arm because you know that you’ll end up cold and alone? Do you know what its like to plan your own death, just because you’re […]