I’m 18 now and I hate how everyone just expects me to know what I want to do with my life. My cousin the same age as me and is always talking about doing architecture and going to college. I’m so jealous of her because I have no ambition there is nothing I want to do I don’t see a future for myself and I never have. I got kicked out by my moms husband, quit my job, broke up with my boyfriend and now am living in my grandmothers house talking to my ex and just staying In bed all day I don’t have […]
I feel selfish because I hate myself so much but I want others to love me but then when they do I feel disappointed or disgusted (or some thing that I can’t discribe) in them because how could they love something that to me is so disgusting, unloveable and cruel. I am rude to the people closest to me even when I try not to be, I know I’m a bad person to them and honestly there isn’t really any good quality’s about me I’m not that smart or interesting I’m not funny or nice or pretty or outgoing. I’m awkward, angry, tired, anxious and […]
I got raped last year I was 16 and a virgin it was by someone I really trusted he was 21 I had known him since I was 12 and he was 17 I feel stupid saying we were friends but that’s how it felt we would talk and hang out sometimes but we hadn’t hung out in a while before it happened. I have spent the past year struggling trying to deal with it a couple weeks after it happened I ended up dating my best friend. That came with it’s own set of problems because one of my cousins around my age that […]
I used to want to be 16 so bad I had it all planned out I would get emancipated get a job have my own apartment drop out of school and get my ged and I thought then it would be better then maybe I won’t want to kill myself anymore.but the thing about my plans is that they never work. I thought that way since I was 10 and now I’m 16 only working on weekends with not enough time to get anywhere close to the kind of money I would need to move out but I also can’t stay with my mom or […]
So my dads in jail again and now I’m a little bit of a mess because of it. It’s nothing new for my dad to be in jail or whatever but he promised me he would pay for my drivers Ed I work on weekends and have a VERY hard time saving when something goes wrong buying new stuff makes me feel better so I have no money saved and I need to start drivers Ed soon even if I started saving up now I still probably wouldn’t have enough for speed week. I feel bad for feeling bad for him because of everything he […]
I’ve been reading a lot to escape my thoughts and my feelings I used to hate reading and my sister loved it that’s how she coped with everything that happened with my dad I never actually finished a chapter book until I turned 15 because she made me read her favorite book. But I can’t decide how I actually feel about the endings though, sometimes they are happy and I just think to my self it’s not realistic this isn’t how it’s going to be for me other times it makes me feel better gives me a little hope that everything will be ok. When […]
I feel like everyone I get close too just stabs me in my back even adults that watched me grow up can become one of the most disgusting people in your life because people don’t actually care they will take everything they can from you. Your happiness, your will to live, your money, anything they can. They break your trust over and over and because you considered them family at one point you forgive and some of the things they did makes you want to forget but you can’t, the things they did they can never take back not that they actually try to because […]