So my dads in jail again and now I’m a little bit of a mess because of it. It’s nothing new for my dad to be in jail or whatever but he promised me he would pay for my drivers Ed I work on weekends and have a VERY hard time saving when something goes wrong buying new stuff makes me feel better so I have no money saved and I need to start drivers Ed soon even if I started saving up now I still probably wouldn’t have enough for speed week. I feel bad for feeling bad for him because of everything he put my family through but I just always think of how alone he is and how sad that is especially when he does stupid stuff that gets him arrested. He used to be a great father but he was an addict and extremely self destructive and it tore our family apart but he still had the dog I could always tell how lonely he was because of the dog he would make food for two and have the dog eat at the table with him sadly my dog passed last year and he has been all alone sense. I feel like he does stupid stuff and gets arrested because he doesn’t think he has anything to lose he already lost custody of his kids his dog died and he doesn’t really talk to anyone this makes me feel even worse because I still care about him and I don’t think he really sees that. I always feel sad and upset when he gets arrested but this time it just feels worse there is so much going on that we needed him for and he’s not here. My sister is going to college soon which means it will just be me and my brother ( and my mom and her husband and his kid but we don’t get along with him which makes it hated on our relationship with our mother) and I don’t know how we are going to survive without her or my father especially with me trying to get my license and them not being here to help me. I’m not going to have a father to teach me how to drive or have my sister be there when I get my license and it hurts me because it just feels like I’m losing everyone and everything I don’t know how I’m going to pay for it without my dad or how I’m going to pass without my sister and I feel so lost with no one to talk to because my mom hates my dad she said he terrorized her and I get that he did, he terrorized all of us but he’s still my father and I want him to get better and want better for himself and I still want him to be apart of my life but everytime I bring him up she gets mad and defensive and I don’t know what to do anymore.
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Sorry about your situation and your dad. In scenarios like yours, it’s best to have a ‘big picture’ view.
Where do you plan to be in a year from now or 5 years? Who can best help you in your life today?
If any of your relationships are salvageable, then work on them. If your father/sister can’t help, then ask the next closest person that you trust. Or someone else that will help you even if you’re not getting along with them.
Given your father’s propensity to be in jail, who will pay for your home expenses and other bills?
Your mother probably has her hands full with the new family, but maybe there’s a way to stay with them and contribute, until you are on your own feet.
That goes for your siblings who are dependent on your father’s income also.
Failing that, you might need to turn to the state for help, maybe be put in a foster home if you’re too young to be on your own and if your mom/stepfather won’t help.
I wouldn’t count on any friends, though sometimes they can surprise, but normally your family should help you out.
If you and your siblings are old enough to work, even part-time is enough to help you pay your bills, if you all work.
Unfortunately this is what happens when people who have no right to have kids, do it anyways….you’re not alone ofc, many of us have come from similar broken homes.
I do live with my mom we just don’t really talk and when we do it’s an argument we never really depended on my father for income because he never really comes through like he said he would pay for my sisters drivers Ed and then didn’t answer the phone for a month things with my mom are sometimes good but because I hate my stepfather anytime he is around or brought up in conversation we argue. I was a super difficult child up until I turned like 15 I moved into my bestfriends house and my grandmothers and only moved back after about 6 months at 14 after a huge argument where her and her husband told me to leave. I have a job but only work weekends and pay for a lot of the stuff I have. But really thank you for the support and making me feel a little less alone and for the suggestions
You’re welcome, glad to help. It’s good that you’re working because ofc an income is essential, esp. if you get no allowance from parents, I had to work around 16 as well as my dad was an asshole and didn’t want to help out though he could afford to.
If I may also add, do what you can to contribute at your mom’s place. Try to be supportive and understanding and she may change her attitude towards you also.
Sometimes people use the term ‘hitting rock bottom,’ which usually means when you’re facing an existential crisis, like you might end up on the street, it forces you to rethink everything you’re doing and maybe to change your priorities.
I’ve had a few such moments in my life and also felt pretty suicidal at the time. But I realized that I needed to focus on working full time and finding a better place to live, for myself and my mother.
So it’s good to take an account of everything that you need to keep you going and to get yourself to a better place in life. Nowadays blue collar jobs pay really well, if you can’t go to university or college. So you can always work in trades and make a good income.
Money is really the key to solving most of our problems in life…if you make enough then there isn’t too much else to worry about.
I aimed for a higher education but unfortunately it didn’t work out as planned. But I’m working towards my goals by other means.
You’re still young so you have a chance to make mistakes and then land on your feet. Hope everything works out well for you.
I’m sorry. There will come a day when this will all be long gone.