But I’ve started therapy and taking a new medication and now I’m not so sure. I have never not hated myself and since starting my medication I hardly hate myself. I see that there’s a point to living. This is so different from what I’ve always felt. It is weird and exhilarating and just…different.
I had a cyst on my wrist, right near the vein. I cut it out. It didn’t hurt much even though I had to cut very deep. I’m sorry if that’s gross but whatever. It actually felt nice to cut that deep again. And I thought, well if I were to slit my wrists then I think it’d be about the same. I don’t think it would hurt much and the relief of slipping into nothingness would be the best feeling ever.
Nothingness would be so much better than constantly hating myself.
And nothingness would be better than constantly envisioning my suicide, and that I […]
I don’t know what to do.
Since when did I start drinking every single night to the point of oblivion. And since when was not getting to that point a disappointment.
I am unhappily tipsy.
Hooray for success! I’m married! I own my own home! We have a backyard! We actually have money in our savings account!
Like that solves anything I mean really. I’m still alone tonight. I’m still sad and angry and crying tonight.
My husband is going out into the field for four days tomorrow. I feel as though this is my time to go. I will have enough time to think, write letters, and make arrangements. More things happen every day to remind me that I am not meant to be here, to be alive. There is no point. No one will miss me for long, people will move on. Like they always do. They can survive without me and I think it would be a mistake for me to survive any longer. I have no talents, no friends, no love, and absolutely no control over my […]
I haven’t self harmed since December, and I’ve been having such strong urges to do it again. I’m trying to figure out if it’s worth it.
The last two times I hurt myself, I developed severe staph infections. I learned that I was allergic to one antibiotic for the first staph infection and developed serum sickness which basically feels like your bones are exploding within your body and your face is melting and really it just feels like you’re dying and eventually I went into shock and had to go to the ER. The second one was MRSA so it required iv antibiotics. It was […]
It’s been one day since our anniversary and we’re fighting again.
I’ve had alcohol.
I can do it or I can not do it.
I feel like it’s all threats but I’m just a *****.
I thought my husband was over his porn addiction and just didn’t want to have sex with me. But I discovered that he is not, and the fact that he masturbates regularly at work is the reason.
Why are we even married if a computer screen and his hand can do the job just fine? What am I here for? The dishes, finances, and laundry.
Fuck that. He can get along by himself just fine. He shows no interest in me sexually, he lies to me, and on the days he does come home and have sex with me it’s after he views these images […]
I am a 23 year old newlywed. I’ve struggled with self-harm in the past, but was able to overcome it for a time after receiving inpatient care. When I married my husband, I thought he was absolutely perfect. When he deployed a few months after we married for around six months, I still thought he was perfect. I missed him. Then he came home.
My marriage is bittersweet. I love my husband. He makes me laugh, and he can make me happy. But mostly, he makes me so sad. The man who came home from deployment is not the same man I married. The man I […]