I thought my husband was over his porn addiction and just didn’t want to have sex with me. But I discovered that he is not, and the fact that he masturbates regularly at work is the reason.
Why are we even married if a computer screen and his hand can do the job just fine? What am I here for? The dishes, finances, and laundry.
Fuck that. He can get along by himself just fine. He shows no interest in me sexually, he lies to me, and on the days he does come home and have sex with me it’s after he views these images and pleases himself and I can’t fucking stand knowing that those images are floating through his head while he fucks me, and he looks at me the same way he looks at those whores on the compute screen.
I am going to kill myself. No one can motherfucking stop me.
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Divorce the bastard, and then enjoy your life on your terms, lady. Your ex-jerk (hahahaha) does not represent the rest of humanity. There is someone out there that needs you to love them back, too. Live with someone else, but foremost… LIVE.
oh, and dont use “************” like that again. that is actually the problem. Find a LOVEr
I can’t divorce him and live happily. How could I do that if the thought of him watching other women on the internet is a problem, knowing that after we divorce he would find another woman? Divorce doesn’t make sense because I will still see him enjoying other women who are not me.
Don’t try to compete with porn.
Porn can offer a guy a lot of things: Forbidden fantasies, unlimited variation, unattainable youth and beauty.
But so can you: You can offer warmth, LOVE, comfort, kisses, tolerance, patience, conversation, wisdom, raw emotion, etc.
Accept that your husband likes porn, accept that that is his thing. Some people smoke, some drink, some eat, we all have our things, his is porn.
Like I said, you are his wife, you can offer him love, strength, wisdom, companionship, all the things that porn cannot.
Accept and understand his porn fetich, maybe explore it with him.
Take care. 🙂
Porn has consumed my husband. He will not sleep with me. He will not be intimate with me. He hides things from me, the women he speaks to, the things he watches. How can I offer what I have to him if he won’t even give me the opportunity to give them to him? I can’t even try to compete with porn because he prefers it to me.
You could pawn your husband at a porn shop 😉 – sorry, just wanted to cheer you a bit. What if you were to remind him: “Hey, we’re supposed to have a marriage going here. You watch porn all night, and we don’t have intimate relations any longer.” “So, Mr, we’re getting a divorce. Then throw him out of the house naked. And let him think in the yard overnight. What you think?
You wrote: “I can’t divorce him and live happily. How could I do that if the thought of him watching other women on the internet is a problem, knowing that after we divorce he would find another woman? Divorce doesn’t make sense because I will still see him enjoying other women who are not me.”
Often the thoughts one has are not true. They may appear to be true merely because one thinks, well, “My thoughts must be true because how could I be wrong?” But there is a special technique of tackling thoughts that evolved, after the discovery that one’s negative thoughts are often not true, and one can then apply a method of self-discovery to correct the mistaken thoughts.
So, let’s challenge your thoughts. I can divorce him and live happily. Does that sound true?
The thought of him watching porn is my problem. I can choose to ignore it and live without intimate relations from him. Or I can divorce him and live happily without him.
His watching porn is his problem. How his behaviour affects you is your problem.
You say: “Divorce doesn’t make sense because I will still see him enjoying other women who are not me.”
But now let’s change that statement to: Divorce does make sense because I will still be seeing him enjoying other women who are not me. True?
You did cheer me up a bit, thank you. I still can’t see how I will be happy. I am young, I should be okay with it and be happy with the idea of leaving this but I can’t. I have invested so much in this marriage, for what? For a divorce? We’ve been married for two years, no one thought we would last because of our age but who would have thought it’d end because he wouldn’t be intimate with me? How embarrassing, shaming. I just would rather not be on this planet anymore.
You say, “I can’t.” The truth is also that you can. It is also true that you invested yourself in this marriage, and you’ve found out now, that it was a mistake. The lack of intimate relations along with his addiction to porn are facts. Now, your thoughts are: This is embarrassing. This is shaming. But the lack of intimate relations and his addiction to porn is not a reflection of you as a woman or a person at all. He has shown that he is unable to perform without the porn and he has a porn obsession. So, who is the one who should be embarrassed and ashamed. Certainly not you! *Hugs*
I read your earlier post. You’ve been having a lot of problems with your husband. I wish my girl would have stayed with me but she left a month ago. We weren’t married but we have been together for 7 years – living together for 6 of them.
Go see someone together. Go see a relationship counselor. Try to get to bottom of what truly is going on with him. Don’t make assumptions and assume the problem is you. It most likely isn’t. Counseling would be your best bet.
If it doesn’t work then you know you tried everything to make it work. Suicide is not the answer. It’s a permanent solution to a short term problem. You just need to calm down. Breathe. Try to make a better decision.
Just remember that you’re real and porn is virtual. You don’t have to compete with it. Porn is fantasy, while you are reality. I don’t understand why women feel the need to compete with pornography.
I’m sorry to hear you married an asshole 🙁
My best friend went through something similar. She knew her husband “used to” like porn, but he swore he was done with all that when they got married. Uh-huh. Well, it turns out he not only still liked his porn, he also liked to go to strip clubs rather than spend time at home with her, and call it “working late” or some such crap, until she found out about one girl that he’d been sleeping with and then the whole truth came out. She was devastated. Unfortunately it took her 4 more years to actually divorce him in 2012.
They have a child so he’s still in her life, but she is actually dating again and quite happy. It was a big revelation to her that she CAN be attractive to men… that it’s her husband who had the problem, not her… that she didn’t do anything wrong to “make” him indulge in this behavior. I can certainly empathize with your anger and suffering and your enormous amount of pain, but wanted to let you know that life CAN go on after this and my friend is proof… good luck to you <3
Thank you SadBk. I feel like everyone else talks about how it’s acceptable and I shouldn’t compete with it and stuff but if you have a porn addiction, you sacrifice parts of your life in order to continue with it just like any other addiction. It’s not just looking at things online, it’s sneaking around, going places you shouldn’t be going to, avoiding your loved ones, spending money. We’ve been married for two years and we rarely have sex, and when we do it’s disconnected and empty. I can’t compete with porn because I’m not even in the competition.
And anyway, I’m not trying to compete with porn, I’m trying to get my husband’s attention. I want him to love me, and this is making it impossible. I feel so worthless and undesirable, alone, cheated. I don’t see a way out that will result in me being here for long. I cannot self-harm anymore because having open wounds and stitches and gauze all over my body isn’t attractive and I want to attract him. I feel like I am going to explode because of all of this. I love my husband. I know he’s trying, and so I’m trying so hard to not hate him. He’s going to support groups, he’s gone to therapy. But it just doesn’t stop and I just really hate myself.
I will ask him about marriage counseling.
reading this post makes me feel guilty because I treat my husband the way your husband treats you. Makes me wonder if your husband is suicidal too. I feel even worse after reading all this maybe I really should go kill myself if all I can get off to is a virtual screen.
Right, if it’s an addiction, it should be treated as such… like alcoholics who need to abstain from alcohol altogether, your husband needs to abstain from the porn. There are plenty of people who can enjoy porn and not let it interfere with their sex life with their partner; clearly your husband is not one of them. At least he’s willing to work on it, so there is hope that you can salvage your relationship. Marriage counseling is a must at this point, in my opinion. *hugs*