I’ve been procrastinating school responsibilities lately and my externship starts next semester. I’m absolutely petrified. One of my professors said, “If you don’t believe in yourself, no one is going to believe in you.” This keeps creeping into my mind. I don’t believe in myself. I’m not stupid. I’m a good test taker, but when it comes to interacting with people, I feel like I don’t connect. What if I freeze? What if I say something stupid? What if I cry? Suicide has increasingly been on my mind due to these thoughts, among others. When I was in high school (I’m 23 now) I […]
I’ve been posting on this site on and off since 2011. I didn’t come here planning to post anything today, but a post about asexuality kind of inspired me to. I’m hoping this will be cathartic. I have never shared these feelings with anyone.
My freshman year of college, about 2 years ago, I had a roommate named Amy. She really fucked me up. I have sort of a dependent personality and she took advantage of that. I (technically my parents) paid for everything: gas (her car), groceries, weed, going out to eat, I even helped pay for part of her tuition, but I really loved […]
does anyone know if i could kill myself with it or how much to consume? Ive done some research but its been inconclusive.
I feel like I’m in this kind of in between world. I’m not really happy but I’m not really sad. I’m not sad enough to go through with killing myself but I’m not happy enough to want to keep living.
If you want to attempt suicide you better be prepared for pain and/or failure. I have always thought if things go wrong and I feel really horrible I will be able to kill myself. Except that it’s not as easy as it seems. I had a chance today and it hurt too much. No matter how badly you may want to die the lizard part of your brain will do anything to survive. There is so much planning and research to do and even after all of that you will probably die a painful death or have to live with failure to try again another […]
I like to get straight to the point so they’re all pretty short.
Stupid liar slut addict worthless exhausted hopeless lost unmotivated lazy useless weak insecure nothing disgusting dull gone
What’s the point?
I’m sorry.
I’m done with living for everyone else. I’m going to do what will make me happy for once. (This one is the truth but it seems a little harsh right?)
I’m so sick of everything.
I can’t breathe anymore.
I can’t stand to listen to myself think anymore.
Permanent solution to a temporary problem. I’m not temporary.
7 habits of chronically unhappy people
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-star/7-habit-of-chronically-unhappy-people_b_6174000.html
This is just one part of my life that is causing me pain. I used to describe my self as kind, sweet, and caring. Now I describe myself as a slut and a liar. I just turned 19 and I lost my virginity two months ago. That wouldn’t be so bad except that I’ve already slept with three guys in those two months. I usually don’t have sex sober, way too insecure about my scars. Now onto the liar part. My relationship with the second guy, lets call him Jeff, is friends with benefits but we both said that we wouldn’t sleep with other people. […]
Talk my friend out of cutting? I cut but not at all close to what I used to. All I’ve got is that scars are forever and it’s addictive
I’ve got a date with a boy (it’s a miracle) but I don’t know when the appropriate time to talk about my depression is. Do I just throw it out there bc it’s such a big part of my life or do I wait?
My best friend is having a birthday party in a couple weeks but it’s at a water park. My thighs have pink raised scars and there is no hiding those in a bikini. I’m going to try different ways to cover them up and if that doesn’t work I guess will be “sick” that weekend. I would feel really shitty about doing that though. I never thought I would live long enough to have this problem. It’s not like I want to put a damper on everyone’s day by explaining my scars. I hate getting attention. Surprise everyone I’ve found a religion that requires me […]
in order to overcome it you have to have hope that you can. On an unrelated,and quite weird note, sometimes i think about something and then i think about thinking about that something and my brain gives up. for instance i’m thinking about writing this while thinking about the other times when i thought too much and made my brain hurt. Ridiculous.
you don’t want them behind the wheel, but you don’t want to shove them in the trunk either.
It would be great to have no responsibility and no school work. No pressure just follow a schedule. It wouldn’t matter how ugly i am who cares if mentally unstable people… wait that’s me too…very mentally unstable people think about me. I’m afraid i could be wrong about what being committed would be like. Am i the only one who’s thought of this?
I smile when i fantasize about you
I can always depend on you to be there
You are the first thing i think about when i wake up
and the last thing i think about before i fall asleep
Now replace you with suicide
are a *****
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjzIlfcsifI
Mad World by Gary Jules
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the […]
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I’ll live down there without a sound
And never hear these hissing voices all the same
I’ll disappear ’cause living makes me feel ashamed
I must believe
There’s more above us and below
I must believe
Stranded with this ***** called hope
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is go
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is disappear
[Chorus:]
If this is it
All we have and ever will
If this is […]
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