So today I felt a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time: hope. Most people would say that’s a good thing. That hope will guard you against feelings of despair.
Unfortunately, in my experience, hope is a dangerous thing. Hope allows you to delude yourself into thinking that life has meaning, purpose, and value. Hope promises that things will get better.
In my experience, feelings of hope keep me alive long enough to believe that life is worth living.
Then the hope fades.
A few weeks or months pass. I feel better. Then WHAM, out of the blue, the feelings of hopelessness that lead to suicidal despair […]