Author

ISmiled

Bridges made of guns

by ISmiled 7/22/2013

written by ISmiled

Was the dream I had yesterday night. And that’s how I knew, tonight is the night.

I guess you could call it a sign, but I’m calling it an unconcious epiphany. I dreamt of a bridge made of guns, and that’s when it hit me, I’ll just shoot myself off a bridge this time! So I found the closest bridge to my house (a 20 minute bike ride away), and I’m prepping myself now.

I have the gun, the same one that shot off part of my shoulder. And my bike is outside the house, sitting there waiting for me to go grab it. I’m also debating […]

7/22/2013 3 comments

Back home after failing

by ISmiled 6/15/2013

written by ISmiled

So here I am after failing the first time. Let’s go back to the night of the 26th of May, for the full story.

I was feeling awful that night, it was another one of my bouts of guilt and depression. But this one was different, while normally, they happen for no apparent reason and last for a few hours, half a day at most, this one lasted for 3 days, after an incident with a boy from my class. We’ll say he wasn’t well-liked, and he was awkward, sweaty and not the best looking either. He came up and asked to be my partner for […]

6/15/2013 5 comments

If it helps…

by ISmiled 5/25/2013

written by ISmiled

Way way back, there was this site on tumblr called grimconfessions. Some of you may have been on it. It went down, but came back after 2 or 3 weeks as grimconfessions2. Then that went down as well. Well the person in charge moved it to another site, and it can be found here.

http://grimconfessions.weebly.com/

You probably won’t see your own confessions until a week or more after you post it, but it’s a nice feeling when you see them.

5/25/2013 2 comments

Wrong

by ISmiled 5/13/2013

written by ISmiled

Two nights ago I couldn’t sleep. I was plenty tired but for whatever reason I just couldn’t sleep, at all. I ended up not sleeping that day, not that I needed much energy anyways. Later that day, I began to feel this suddenÂ guiltiness just take over. I couldn’t think of anything else, everything I did only gave me another reason to hurt myself more. I haven’t eaten since then, only drinking water every hour, the amount of cuts on my stomach and arms increased drastically compared to how much I usually cut and I’ve been swallowing pills randomly as I get the urge.

I don’t know […]

5/13/2013 1 comment

Fat.

by ISmiled 4/27/2013

written by ISmiled

I hope I become fat. Not grotesquely fat, just fat enough that I feel disgusting. Still close enough to average weight to sometimes wake up and feel pretty for a moment. That way later I can yell at myself for even pretending I was pretty for a moment. I’ll become closer to the people I bullied. That way my hatred for others and myself is satisfied when I’ve only hurt one person, and the person I’m hurting doesn’t have a future anyways.

4/27/2013 4 comments

Make me sick

by ISmiled 4/14/2013

written by ISmiled

I’ve gotten sick of cutting, well really, I don’t feel like cutting tonight, it’s been feeling less and less painful each night recently, Â I need something else to do. So I grabbed an old bottle of pills and started swallowing them, I’ve only had eight, so it’s not like I’m gonna die or anything, but I hope I’ll wake up in pain tomorrow morning, it’s what I deserve anyway. In the meantime, I’ll cut for what little pain it still has to offer. Â Night then.

4/14/2013 2 comments

Bully

by ISmiled 3/6/2013

written by ISmiled

I just joined. I’m a girl, a cutter. Not an adult, but I won’t say my age. My life wasn’t unfair, I wasn’t abused, nothing bad happened to me. That’s exactly the problem though. Other people, kinder people, better people than me have been raped, assaulted, bullied, any number of problems. Not me. I don’t have any problems. None.

I hate myself because I was, am, a bully. I changed schools recently so I haven’t bullied anyone recently, but at my other school, oh I’m such an awful person. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the people I used to bully are all on here, crying […]

3/6/2013 1 comment