I hope I become fat. Not grotesquely fat, just fat enough that I feel disgusting. Still close enough to average weight to sometimes wake up and feel pretty for a moment. That way later I can yell at myself for even pretending I was pretty for a moment. I’ll become closer to the people I bullied. That way my hatred for others and myself is satisfied when I’ve only hurt one person, and the person I’m hurting doesn’t have a future anyways.
4 comments
4 comments
Hi ISamiled, correct me if i am wrong but you have a hatred to others and yourself, am i right? Perhaps you could share with us what do you think are the reasons/causes for this hatred?
I don’t mean this in a bad way, but you sound like the samaritans. It made me smile for a second. I’ll answer your questions when it’s later in the day for me, since right now I’m typing by copy&pasting letters so I don’t make much noise.
If I had to guess, I’m still angry with myself for having bullied in the past. I don’t have a particular hatred towards others, I just feel a need to say or do things that end up hurting them. It’s not one of those “She does it to make herself feel better” things either, since I’ve never once felt good about it.
I probably sound really half assed right now, but I doubt I have the energy to fix it now, I’ll have to remind myself later.
Onboard keyboard