Things are getting bad again. I’m keeping everything in though. All my emotions, feelings, passions. I’m keeping them on the inside. I know this is a horrible thing to do. One of the most horrible things anyone could do to themselves, since it is mental self-abuse, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to bring any one down. I don’t want to hurt the people I love, I don’t want to hurt anyone the way they hurt me. Maybe I’m just drowning in temporary sorrow, or maybe this is a permanent thing. Ya know, it’s unique and unreliable but it always comes back. The […]
Last night I was talking to my best friend and realized there is so much going on with her. I was wrong. She’s cocky and rude on the surface but on the inside she’s just as insecure and sad as I am. I love her to death, and the things we said to each other last night will always stay with me. She asked me to promise to never self harm or starve myself ever again, and I said I was going to try. I am trying. I’ve been 12 days clean, and I hope I stay clean for the rest of my life.
My suicidal […]
I was going to post something  about 2 months ago, but I saved it as a draft by accident. As I always say, a lot can happen in 1 month. In September, we got the news that one of my uncles had bone marrow cancer for 3 years. He’s the only person in our family we weren’t close with, so we didn’t know he had one of the worst cancers anyone could go through. This brought my family together. On October 25th, my Uncle passed away surrounded by his sisters and children, It was sad. His brothers ( my other uncles ) had left to […]
A lot has changed since I last wrote on here. I’m no longer happy, I’m right back where I was, even worse maybe. My ex-best friend threatened me, saying he’d tell everyone that my mom’s a drunk and abuses me, when she isn’t a drunk, and she has never abused me in my life. I haven’t gone to school in two days, in fear of seeing him. I’d rather run away from my problems, than face them and that is something I’m not proud of. The worst part of this all, is I did this to myself. I didn’t need to be his best friend, […]
so i haven’t really posted anything lately because life has been alright. my bestfriend and i don’t talk anymore. i still love him, i think i will always love him, but i couldn’t take it anymore. he told me to never look at him, because he doesn’t want people knowing he knows me. it’s fine though because i’m becoming stronger, and i’m on my road to recovery. i haven’t cut myself in almost two months, and i haven’t made myself throw up in a month and a half. i’m not happy, but i’m not depressed. i’m peaceful? i don’t really know how to explain my emotions, but […]