It’s getting to me, my my feelings are finally catching up to my head. I can’t take what they say even though what they say is not true..I hate it, just hiding myself in my room watching movies all day or play video games, not texting a signal friend, just sitting here thinking instead, only coming out to eat. It was good for a while but now it’s bad gain you see that’s why I ended up here again.
The youngest one in the group. 18, 18, 18, 17, 15, 15, 14 and maybe one other 18. If he was there for once..I love having all these people who care about me. But they’re growing up faster than I am ._. I don’t know what I’ll do once they are out on missions, on world tours, traveling the world, saving lives. Getting jobs. And doing school work all the time. They’re all I really had in my hard times. What now?
I’m not as happy as I show…Why do I have to hurt so much…Can’t someone take my pain away?…Why am I crying so much? Why am I so sad…No one will ever take e for me…no one will ever love me…there is no more hope…no more love…no one left…So much pain :'(
“What would it take for things to be quiet, quiet like the snow? I know this isn’t much, but I know I could…I could be better!”
I’ve always gone back, to the place where I once sat and cried. I can remember the pain, watching all the little kids play and me just sitting there and wanting one to come over and ask if I would like to play with them. I remember when I sat on the swing and watch the girls play jump-rope and the boys played one their game-boys. I remember being alone. It hurt everyday, and everyday even more rage would full me up inside because I wouldn’t eat anything. I remember hating myself and wishing I could start over or die. It didn’t help that […]
I get so angry, when I can’t express myself which is pretty much all the time anymore. The only emotion that I seem to know anymore is anger. And I hate this life I live, I hate school (And don’t tell me a lot of people hate school because I don’t hate it because of all the work or because I get bullied.) I do get bullied, I do fine in my classes. I frown all the time because I really really not happy. I am so angry and wanting to know my next fight or the next person that I am going to have […]
I hate the way people leave, I hate change, I hate the way people treat each other, I hate the way I look at the world…I hate that I have ADHD and I freak out but I refuse to take medication for it because last time it made me very depressed…I don’t like the world…I wish I was blind and that I couldn’t hear…maybe then….I just might be okay…
Man I am just…tired of everyone leaving me, my friend died, my therapist is quit her job and didn’t even let me know, my friend won’t even speak to me….I miss them…
Is anyone going to listen? Is anyone willing to? Because I am so sick of all of this…I hate it all…I am so mad…I don’t want to be alone…not right now.
Some say it’s a beautiful lie, others say it’s a horrible lie…But I agree with the horrible lie…How happy I act…I guess this is why I am going to be an actor when I am older…no matter how happy I look…inside…my heart is crushed and my soul is shattered…I am really hurt…and somehow…I have these five great friends and a therapist…along with a great teacher…but this just…hurts…
If you were to die out there in the battlefield…I would want you to know how I feel about you before you go…4 years is a long time and it could be longer…You were, are my hope…And kept me moving even when I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. “I may never walk again but I’ll be fine crawling…” “You won’t crawl forever! You will walk again!” Will I be able to walk once your gone?…I keep crying…tears rolling down my check! I don’t want you to leave…But, I have let you go in the past but of course that was only for a week […]
I know…it’s the right thing to do…but…I…CAN”T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU! I’M NOT READY FOR YOU TO LEAVE…The army…If…I lose you…what am I going to do…I can hardly make a step without you for one day…what am I going to do for four years….It hurts…IT HURTS! Please…I’m so lonely…already…without you…I will be in pain…I will be shattered…My soul is but my heart will be too!…..This hurts…it hurts…I don’t want to lose you…I don’t want to lose you…
Sometimes I think I am invisible. People say they want a good friend, a friend that wants to protect them and that can be trustworthy…it suxs! I want to be that friend…I want to be a good friend to someone. But…no one will take it…it’s like every time I try I get shut out…I know I am annoying, can be mean, and not very good looking. But I mean come on? Is that really a reason I can’t be friends with someone. Do I really deserves to feel lonely?…I don’t want to feel like this anymore…I want to be noticed…I wan to stop being so […]
“I know I don’t say it or show it enough but I care…” I get confused…if they cared then why would they leave me to worry? Or why…do they say they don’t care about anyone?…Do they care or do they not? Do they trust me or do they not? I hate how I get confused, I want to know, I ask them but they give me the same answer every time. “…If I didn’t care would I be here?”
I guess I am just unnoticed where ever I go, I might as well get used to it.
I don’t get it….does anyone listen? Even for a second of what I am saying? I don’t know, wait yeah I do and now that I think of it no one understand what I am trying to say…Okay let me spell this out, I am hurt! I-A-M-H-U-R-T. My heart has been shattered and I want it fixed back. There, I got it out…I said it.
I need that friend….One that is willing to listen no matter how bad the problem may be, that won’t leave me alone for a week to worry about and will talk to me when I still need them, I need someone that is willing to trust me and won’t feel they are getting to close to me, I need that friend that will sit there and listen and won’t try to give me advice. I need someone who is real and won’t lie to me no matter how badly it may hurt me…I just need a friend…that will notice me, and care about me, and […]
I care, I love you. But if you were one day gone I have seen I can live with out you even though it the begging I though I couldn’t. It hurt, but…I see I am strong enough to move on. Yes I have to listen to the music you shown me, yes I have to look at my phone every single 5 minutes but it’s a habit. At least it doesn’t make me want to cry when you don’t say anything back…
The monster, the mask, and the person under the wet and dirty mud…Which one do I feel I want to get rid of? Well that would be the mask, because it is so…boring, painful, dull, and sad to put on everyday. But…what if I need it again? I am sick of feeling like I can’t even get a chance to breathe. But the mask, I may need it again.
I wonder if sometimes people give the slightest though of what they are about to do to you and your heart. Do they ever wonder if they are going to leave a scar? Or a hole, or just some broken pieces that seem almost in possible to fix back? I just wonder what they think when they want to leave you, I wonder if they see…how much tears you will cry for them. I wonder…do I ever cross they’re mind. Or when they leave me there to hold myself up. Fight for myself. They just leave, and sooner or later they come back…and your so […]
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