Author

Jaeline

Hope…ful/less?

by Jaeline 10/23/2022

written by Jaeline

Even when the world is cold, I still want to find the heart not to be. -LIT (jjolee)

It’s been a while since I’ve written here, and every time I remember this place I come and reread posts that I only have as drafts, I remember how passionate I wrote them with pain and crying while at it.

Tho this time is different, and still think life is worthless and I want to die, I now don’t actively look for death, I dunno if it’s because I’ve come to terms that I’m not brave enough to commit suicide or because I’ve […]

10/23/2022 1 comment

Desperately sad

by Jaeline 2/6/2020

written by Jaeline

I was chatting with my mom, and I didn’t understood something she said and when I asked her, she told me that I was dumb and got angry with me, I felt terrible, because most of the time I don’t understand things, and tried to hold my tears, but began to cry more, and she got angrier and told me that I was just doing a tantrum, but I feel so hurt, I don’t know why, lately in my mind I’ve been telling me that I’m stupid, that don’t deserve good things and then she told me that, so now I’m crying and I can’t […]

2/6/2020 2 comments

Workout depression

by Jaeline 1/28/2020

written by Jaeline

Has anyone experienced a feeling of sadness and emptiness after working out?

I began working out because my university makes me cover some deportive credits; the first 2 weeks I felt a little bit more energetic and “happy” (more like I just didn’t feel sad) but after those weeks I have been feeling sad and have constant ideas of suicide, as if after workout I could jump off a bridge, is it normal?

Before my diagnosed depression I usually did exercise and felt anxious, but I just assumed that it was the anxiety that I have had since all my life, […]

1/28/2020 1 comment

Frustrated

by Jaeline 12/8/2019

written by Jaeline

I constantly feel sad but with antidepressants somehow I manage to seem happy, but I feel sensible, I feel attacked and my parents sometimes tell me things that make me cry, and their solution to that is giving me pills and if I don’t calm down they say that I’m like that because I don’t control myself and that I’m just throwing tantrums, and then they just ignore me.

Sometimes I cut myself or hurt me, I really try to hide my lesions but sometimes they see them, and they get angry at me and say that I’m selfish that I hurt myself and that I […]

12/8/2019 1 comment

Is it worth the pain?

by Jaeline 11/27/2019

written by Jaeline

I’m not sure how to describe this feelings, but if you’re here, is almost certain that you understand, I’ve been here since two years ago but I never took the courage to write until today that I just felt the necessity, I take antidepressants and people tell me I’m doing better, but I just feel that I have my emotions on stand by, it just doesn’t feel right.

11/27/2019 5 comments