I constantly feel sad but with antidepressants somehow I manage to seem happy, but I feel sensible, I feel attacked and my parents sometimes tell me things that make me cry, and their solution to that is giving me pills and if I don’t calm down they say that I’m like that because I don’t control myself and that I’m just throwing tantrums, and then they just ignore me.
Sometimes I cut myself or hurt me, I really try to hide my lesions but sometimes they see them, and they get angry at me and say that I’m selfish that I hurt myself and that I have no consideration of them.
At the “beginning” of my depression they always told me that if I need to let things out, I could count on them, and they were with me when I cried but after sometime they just give me pills, and if I tell them what I’m feeling, or cry because I’m in disagree (I accept that I cry when they tell me something I don’t like, but is because I feel sad and I just can’t contain my tears) and say that I just cry because I’m manipulating them, and get angry.
I thought I could trust in them but now the pain is more unbearable since I don’t trust them anymore. Before I had the feeling of having them by my side, but now I feel really lonely.
What should I do? I’d appreciate any help.