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by Jaeline

I constantly feel sad but with antidepressants somehow I manage to seem happy, but I feel sensible, I feel attacked and my parents sometimes tell me things that make me cry, and their solution to that is giving me pills and if I don’t calm down they say that I’m like that because I don’t control myself and that I’m just throwing tantrums, and then they just ignore me.

Sometimes I cut myself or hurt me, I really try to hide my lesions but sometimes they see them, and they get angry at me and say that I’m selfish that I hurt myself and that I have no consideration of them.

At the “beginning” of my depression they always told me that if I need to let things out, I could count on them, and they were with me when I cried but after sometime they just give me pills, and if I tell them what I’m feeling, or cry because I’m in disagree (I accept that I cry when they tell me something I don’t like, but is because I feel sad and I just can’t contain my tears) and say that I just cry because I’m manipulating them, and get angry.

I thought I could trust in them but now the pain is more unbearable since I don’t trust them anymore. Before I had the feeling of having them by my side, but now I feel really lonely.

What should I do? I’d appreciate any help.

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Cause of Death: Suicide 12/8/2019 - 11:41 pm

I’ve always been sad enough to commit suicide my whole life, with pills I just feel worse ..

The people that GIVE me the PILLS say the same type of thing but I don’t understand a god d*mn thing they say or have ever said. What I would do is save up a lethal amount of the pills and then overdose. But I’ve been waiting for 15 years to commit suicide.

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