I was chatting with my mom, and I didn’t understood something she said and when I asked her, she told me that I was dumb and got angry with me, I felt terrible, because most of the time I don’t understand things, and tried to hold my tears, but began to cry more, and she got angrier and told me that I was just doing a tantrum, but I feel so hurt, I don’t know why, lately in my mind I’ve been telling me that I’m stupid, that don’t deserve good things and then she told me that, so now I’m crying and I can’t stop thinking negative thought, and that I don’t wanna live more!
Has anyone experienced a feeling of sadness and emptiness after working out?
I began working out because my university makes me cover some deportive credits; the first 2 weeks I felt a little bit more energetic and “happy” (more like I just didn’t feel sad) but after those weeks I have been feeling sad and have constant ideas of suicide, as if after workout I could jump off a bridge, is it normal?
Before my diagnosed depression I usually did exercise and felt anxious, but I just assumed that it was the anxiety that I have had since all my life, but now seeing how it is with depression, I guess it has something to do with exercising.
My parents say that I have a better mood, maybe what changed in me is that I appear more “stable” but in reality I just keep with these thoughts.
And also my father says that it’s impossible that exercise makes you sad because “studies” say that they improve your mood, but searching in internet, there’s a lot of people going through the same.
I constantly feel sad but with antidepressants somehow I manage to seem happy, but I feel sensible, I feel attacked and my parents sometimes tell me things that make me cry, and their solution to that is giving me pills and if I don’t calm down they say that I’m like that because I don’t control myself and that I’m just throwing tantrums, and then they just ignore me.
Sometimes I cut myself or hurt me, I really try to hide my lesions but sometimes they see them, and they get angry at me and say that I’m selfish that I hurt myself and that I have no consideration of them.
At the “beginning” of my depression they always told me that if I need to let things out, I could count on them, and they were with me when I cried but after sometime they just give me pills, and if I tell them what I’m feeling, or cry because I’m in disagree (I accept that I cry when they tell me something I don’t like, but is because I feel sad and I just can’t contain my tears) and say that I just cry because I’m manipulating them, and get angry.
I thought I could trust in them but now the pain is more unbearable since I don’t trust them anymore. Before I had the feeling of having them by my side, but now I feel really lonely.
What should I do? I’d appreciate any help.
I’m not sure how to describe this feelings, but if you’re here, is almost certain that you understand, I’ve been here since two years ago but I never took the courage to write until today that I just felt the necessity, I take antidepressants and people tell me I’m doing better, but I just feel that I have my emotions on stand by, it just doesn’t feel right.