I have my plan in place, I’ve always tried by pills with no success.  Wed I plan to go in front of a train. I have a meeting and after the meeting it should be dark enough I can do so without being seen until it’s too late.  Right now there is no fear but I am sure when it comes I will feel scared. At least I will feal something. At least I can put all these suicidal thoughts to rest.  I plan on burning all my print journals and closing all my social accounts wed morning. I don’t know if I want to […]
I have attempted suicide more times than I can count from as early as a young teen and more recently over the past year. Finally a social worker basically yelled at myself that I was being selfish and if I suceeded I would be guarunteeing that they will have the same struggle with mental illness that I have had. That is one of my biggest nightmares for my children to have to suffer like I have for 20+ years. But now I almost resent the children for keeping me here. It’s a horrible thought and it […]
Why I choose to die:
I am an emotional drain on myself and everyone around me.
I feel stuck like this will always be my life, it will never get better.
My husband feels trapped with me; like he is stuck with me because of the kids. I feel the same with him.
I am a horrible mother; there is no positive thinking technique that will convince me otherwise, even if the depression is the reason. There is no excuse for not being able to stand being around my children.
I can’t provide the love to them that I so desperately needed growing up […]
Slipping back down, still keeping my head above water, like I am out tredding water in the ocean. Today I had a thought that scared me so much I can’t even put it here, but it was enough to make we want to go check myself in and stay for awhile. I didn’t though and the thought went away hopefully never to return.
Maybe I have been afraid to admit how much I have been struggling. Sucidal thoughts have now become obsessive to the point where I have purchased and downloaded books on killing yourself. I now have a method in place and am just waiting to see if it is something I will actually go through with.
I look at my friends and wonder how they are so strong. So many facing real
problems, issues I couldn’t imagine trying to cope with. Yet they go on and
they survive. Here I am with no real reason why just struggling to hold on. It
makes me feel weak and even more like I am letting everyone down.
I try to
work but I just can’t do it. I haven’t really worked in two weeks. It only
hurts my family more if we struggle financially, and I know that. But when I
log into work I just can’t handle dealing with customers on the […]
If anyone is interested to read about someone else who really is going through life much the same as many of us, I invite you to follow my blog at http://depressioninreallife.blogspot.com/ It’s more of just a journal, but I invite you to comment with your own experiences.
I have batteled depression since I was a teen, I am 31 now. I just started really getting treatment and tring to stick with it over the past year or two. I have a wonderful truley caring psychiatrist and am on a number of meds as she tries to find something that works.  In the mean time suciadal thoughts and idealations are a part of everyday life, I just want to be shut out and isolated from everyone so far that my mind keeps putting thoughts into my heads as to ways to kill myself. And I have tried, twice as a teen and twice […]