Feeling weak and guilty

I look at my friends and wonder how they are so strong.  So many facing real
problems, issues I couldn’t imagine trying to cope with.  Yet they go on and
they survive.  Here I am with no real reason why just struggling to hold on.  It
makes me feel weak and even more like I am letting everyone down.
I try to
work but I just can’t do it.  I haven’t really worked in two weeks.  It only
hurts my family more if we struggle financially, and I know that.  But when I
log into work I just can’t handle dealing with customers on the phone.  It’s
probably one of the worst jobs I could be in for me, customer service, dealing
with angry people all day long.  I am looking for something else but hard to
give up the isolation of working from home.

I keep telling myself
to hold on til my next appointment, how sad is that it’s the only thing I have
to look forward too?  But it gives me hope I guess, even though nothing seems to
be changing, it still gives me something to hold on to.