jarch

There are people out there that are suicidal and “normal people” ( as in no depression or anxiety) don’t have a clue. It’s not hard to notice that someone is isolating themselves from the public eye. I myself am isolated, friends ask if I wanna do something and I make up an excuse. They know of my suicidal history but they don’t support. I’ve heard from many suicidal people that their friends do the same. Why do they do that? Friends say “I’m here for you no matter what” and “Don’t try to kill yourself I love you” but yet they don’t bother to ask […]

” A safe place”

All of us sitting, laying down as the light gleams from the machines we call computers,

No matter what depression, anxiety or disorder we find comfort on this forum

We all suffer from the same pain some of us say our life is on the line

I never would have found a greater place then this wonderful site

It’s been months since my last major depression, I’ve gotten better,

But remember we can over come this if we all work together.

Sorry if that was all mushy gushy haha.

Love you guys!

Gosh I haven’t been on this site in months. My girlfriend of years left me last year in February. She didn’t say it was over or anything. She just stopped talking me me, and that was it. I treated her like a princess gave her all my love and attention. She just left. Poof like we never met. I still wonder if she thinks of me. I pretty much gave up on love..its not worth the pain. I bring this all up because I had a dream about her last night. She came back for me she kissed me with the scent of mint that […]

Every time I try to attract a girl some other guy (mostly one of my friends) attracts them more. Like this week. School has been started for a few weeks now and everyone knows that new kids always come. So I had my eyes on this one girl. She’s so beautiful and out of my league. So i turned to my friends guys and girls. They all told me that if I try I’ll be able to get her. So these past few days I’ve managed to get her number and text her a few times. So today I texted her right after school and […]

She said she’d never leave. She said she’d love me forever. She said she’s be here no matter what. Well where are you? It’s been 6 months and I’ve been in hell all this time. I hurt day by day just at the thought of you. We we’re suppose to get married remember? Have a beautiful daughter remember? Or was it all just a pigment of my imagination? No it can’t be. Because I still have you messages in my inbox. Love is dead to me. I can’t even tell my own mother I love her because I choke at the start of the word […]

Today is suppose to be my 3 year anniversary with my ex. I feel terrible. She’s been gone for6 months already. I still think of her day to day. I don’t mean to whine about it, I just wanna get it off my chest. She meant everything to me. I never thought that someone so beautiful could love someone like me. She was like an angel..now she’s a stranger. I’ve heard nothing from her since. Not even a birthday wish. it’s just so hard. I feel as if she was a diamond that out of luck sparkled in the sunlight to signal that she wanted […]

I feel as if i don’t have any. I mean i have many friends, but just not any that i think will be there when i need them. They never call or text me unless they have problems that they want me to help with. I feel like that’s selfish of them. They never call or text me to see how i am. It just..it hurts to feel like no one out there gives a damn about you and your friendship. I just want to tell all of them to fuck off.  But if i do that then i won’t have anything to start with.

Are teenage years suppose to be the best years of your life?

My Grandad keeps telling me that they are suppose to be the best years, but they seem to be the worst. What do you think about it?

Something has been getting at me lately. It’s summer. Yay! for many people but never for me. I spend my summers alone and never really get any contact with anyone unless they need something from me. Anyway to what the issue is. Two summers ago me and this girl got really close and soon enough we got so close that we were comfortable with telling each other anything. That summer ended and we were back to school. We’d always write each other notes and what not and she even said she had a crush on me and even asked t kiss me. Then we got […]

Okay, so today I’ll do everything the same. Feel depressed and try my best to stay sane. Today my love talks to me as if I’m a disturbance, and i take her actions to feed my depression. The words she said are in my head like quotes, then my thoughts that pass me by tell me I love her the most. Tomorrow between us only got worse because now I’m turned over and hurt and now there’s an invisible sign around her that reads “Do not disturb”. Next week I memorize the words she said as they go […]

It follows me. I didn’t feed it or even house it, So why does it stay? No matter The bad vibes i give it or what i say. It just wont go away. It stands above me thin as air, looking at me with the longest stare, quietly saying words even though it can’t talk. It speaks in a language that only people of the above can speak, It brings me down to my knees, and tells me to take my forever sleep. I run trust me I’m trying, It laughs at me when I’m crying, when it brings the memories of the girl who […]

So am i suppose to be happy? The love of my life is gone, my mom’s always with her boyfriend who’s birthday is today also. I hate my birthday already. I feel like there’s no reason to even celebrate it anymore. It’s like Depression never gives you a day off. Even on your birthday. So now i just sit here. Thinking about the love i had, and hoping that this day will end. Happy Birthday me.

We’re married. Till death do us part. Death is the only way out. I never wanted this. The marriage was arranged when I was born. I didn’t know her until now. She hurts me. She doesn’t care about me. She wants me dead. When we sleep she whispers terrifying thoughts into my head. When I wake she repeats them over again. Hoping that it’ll ruin my day from the start. When we’re out in public people think I’m crazy when I talk to her, but I’m not. She’s everywhere I am. Stuck to me like a bad cloud. She talks so soft and yells so […]

I feel like no one cares. Im shaking. gosh i can barely type this. Everyone knows how i feel. The depression, The mental hospital. But no one ever checks on me, ask me how i am or just anything. I feel like im just a part of everyones imagination. I want to cut so bad..I dont know i just dont even know what to do. I want to just go back to a mental hospital to just get away from this world. What else can i do. Im just a waste of space here. I make everyone else happy but no one bothers to make […]

I’m really tired of school. Not tired of academics but the social part. Everyone thinks im so funny and outgoing..not true. Im dying slowly on the inside. No one knows. It gets annoying how people expect me to act happy all the time. Like when im down somone will ask me whats wrong and i’ll feel uncomfortable telling anyone why.Im no ones friend. Im just someone that people use to make them happy. I’m tired of playing this role for them(my peers). I just want to go to another school and start over. Just to be quiet and no one know me. :/

im restless. and lonely 🙁

Slowly pulling off the glue, from the mask I wore to school. No one
Looks..They won’t find me. I pull it off like a star shining bright
But I deal so hard with the fronts and the shame. With my mask off
They could tell, remove my honor, my tickets wouldn’t sell. The
Performance of a prince.
Why. Do I decide to wear these gloves there’s nothing I have done to
show off a brand new beast. Why. Do I choose to wear this mask,
everyday I make it last, but just to what they’ll think I never take
it off for anyone but me.

Cheers to a new year. New year, New problems, same person. Hey 2011. Whats there even to be excited about

I had a normal life. Everything close to perfect. I grew up with the largest dreams. Im 17 now a lot different than I was when I was younger. So many things have change.Well here’s how I think my depression grew(yes grew because everyone has depression some time in their life) I was a freshmen in highschool it was perfect. I loved it. I fell for this girl. She was a grade below me. She was so sweet and just was my entire world(I never had a girlfriend before then) She said that she loved me too. We would talk day and night about […]