At 38 I feel like I have nothing worth living for, and I am just a ghost to everything and everyone around me. I grew up with an abusive father who my mother still is married to. I have been living in LA for 17 years trying to chase my dream of working in the film industry. My best friend killed himself back 2010 and left me in his will. I had money but I lost it al because I couldn’t find anyone to hire me. So I used my money to work on other people’s movies for free. I’ve had a boyfriend for three years who is a nice man, but I feel he never has time for me because he is too busy helping everyone else and trying to make his own career in the film industry. My only other family are my grandparents but my grandmother is terminally ill with a brain tumor so I have been spending a lot of time out their place taking care of them. While I’m there I keep hoping I will hear back from one of the many companies I have applied to. I can’t even seem to find work as a temp. Nobody thinks for a second that I am in a living hell. My boyfriend watched me drink a whole bottle of wine last night and then have a nervous breakdown all morning. He left an hour ago to go meet with an investor that his friend in New York asked him to meet, because if the guy is able to invest than my boyfriend can make a movie and help his friend move back out here. Again I feel like a ghost. I kept believing things would get better. I told myself everyday someone is going to email you, someone will be able to help. I also don’t have any money because I have paid for years out of pocket for health insurance and spent a boat load on a therapist. So with no job and no inheritance left I am about to become homeless. I know we are all responsible for only ourselves and I have tried for years but I can’t, I absolutely can no longer pick myself up off the ground. I have no reason to keep living. I can’t move home to live a man who abused my whole childhood. I can’t live on the streets feared of being rape as I was raped when I was 22 by a man who sold me a car. I don’t ever see a man ever marring me because I have become so emotionally unstable and I don’t think I will ever be able to have my own children. So what’s left?