My friends have a habit of making plans without me.
I can’t say I’ve got no friends or good family, I have had insanely rough patches and people have tried to help me through it although they never understood. So, why do I feel like I have nothing to go on?
I get upset if nobody understands me, but I get irritated when they try to understand. Because they never get it right. They only mean well. So the question is, do I want their help? I confuse the shit out of myself.
I want to lose weight, I want to be confident, I want to go out with my friends and not care about what people think of me, but I have no physical motivation, I feel tied down and it’s like my body has been freed from all soul. I am empty.
Today I was told it is a possibility that I have a social disorder, avoidant personality disorder to be exact. Well. It explains a lot.
tonight I’m running away. I will take 4 packets of pills and find an empty field. That is, if I have the courage.
 Today is going to be a pile of shit. I’ve noticed a pattern, you know.
One day I’ll be okay, the next a bag of wank. Sorry for the curse words, but I’m cranky and sat in the dark, and I can’t sleep in the dark..
Don’t ask why, all there is to it is my mums bastard husband just came in and turned my light off. I burst into tears, I was terrified. C U N T.
I repeat, I hate the majority of this town.
The reason my sleeping fucked up in the first place is because I’d spend countless nights awake, convincing my friend not to cut her arms, or take too many pills. I never wanted to wake my mum, brother and sister, so I’d hang out of my window to keep it quiet, this didn’t help the fact that the conversations with her were extremely triggering, and I’m already suicidal, and sitting in an open window. bad idea, right?
I skyped with strangers, making sure they were okay, friends from my area would tell me whats wrong, and I’d rush to their house to make sure they were okay. […]
I’ve realised I have no friends on here. People on this site, they manage to get along, find each other, and lean on each other. I feel quite alone,even on the site that is supposed to be an escape.
I have begged on my knees, literally, infront of my mum and step dad for a treadmill, and they said yes for my birthday! How great is that? I can finally excersise in the comforts of my own home.
If you had a pill in your hand right now, that could kill you instantly, quietly and peacefully, take you away from all the shit and let it be, would you take it?
I have good friends. A great family. So why do I always feel like I am completely alone in this little, depressing bubble of mine.
I’m not jogging anymore, because people began to notice me and laugh when they saw me in the streets. It just made me feel even shittier about myself.
Back to the drawing board.
I tell people not to hurt themselves.
I hurt myself.
“Please don’t do it” I’ll comfort them, promise them promises that are false just to keep them alive a little longer.
But I want to die, and I don’t want them to stop me.
My life has infact, gotten no better. The exercise isn’t looking like anything has changed, I still hate my body. My friends are somewhat ignoring my issues because they make them uncomfortable. Because they never have anything to say to me, so they just smile sympathetically and soon enough it’s forgotten.
What I’ve discovered is that my father has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, and this explains why he’s such a dick when only moments ago he would have been being lovely. But now, he wants to lean onto me. Because I’m his daughter, and the only thing he has left, I feel obligated to look after him, even though I’m […]
I haven’t posted in a little while. That’s because Life has certainly got a little hectic for me this past month;
Three of my friends, whom knew I was suicidal, told my headteacher, who then pulled me out of lessons and decided
to get me another therapist, and she also gave me a card that will get me out of any lessons if I get upset/overwhelmed.
I’ve started exercising, push ups, lunges, jogging. Drinking more water and less junk, I’ve attempted to sleep more but
my insomnia is proving difficult to push at the moment. The friend that mocked me for being a depressed selfharmer
is not […]
One of my friends told the head of my school everything. My depression,the cutting, the suicidal thoughts.
Now everyone is laughing at me, indirecting me and I can’t fucking be arsed with it. The girl who is supposed to be my bestfriend has tweeted twice about me,
“I want to commit suicide for no reason at all lol :):):)”
“Cuttin my wrists at the moment bcos my friends care about me x”
Charming, right?
I’ve read so many of the stories on here, and I feel that I should write mine, too. Although it isn’t as bad as others, it got me where I am.
Two years ago, my friend confessed to cutting herself. I was devastated, and all I wanted was to be there for her. I didn’t want her to do it anymore, I wanted her to be okay. So I stayed up late for her, and I was her personal therapist for a while. This was when i was 12 years old.
My mum fell pregnant and I cried for the whole weekend. I was already neglected and […]
Well, today school got too much for me and I made myself sick so I got to go home. When I was sitting with my mum, we got onto the topic of suicide somehow, (she doesn’t know I’m suicidal) and she said that people who commit suicide are selfish. Do you know how much that stabbed me? I can only think of what she would think if I ever plucked up the courage to do it.
But in my view, not that it matters, people who commit suicide aren’t selfish at all. They’re miserable, and they’re trapped. They need an out and they find one. If […]