Author

katiebear12

Not all of us are staying here long, what's the point in getting to know me?

relapsing?

by katiebear12 8/28/2014

written by katiebear12

Tonight is awful. I’m close to tears, I feel very alone and unwanted. For the first time in months, I’ve actually considered hurting myself. I know that won’t help, but it’s so tempting. Since losing my therapist and many friends 3 weeks ago, I fell back hard into my already bad depression, making things worse.

I have no clue what to do anymore. I question myself. Am I good? Does my past make me bad? Am I loveable? School gets under my skin. Also, my impending birthday is looming over me like a giant, and my past is a scary dark forest around me.

I’m just lost. […]

8/28/2014 2 comments

running away..

by katiebear12 8/20/2014

written by katiebear12

That’s almost what I did today. I barely stopped myself. I was just overwhelmed. My mom yelled at me, my brother treated me badly, I’ve been depressed for weeks now (constantly). I’ve lost almost all my friends. I’m being forced to face my day (by my mother) when I can’t even get up.

And I face the monster in front of me everyday: my past.

Many tell me: what you did meant nothing. It’s the past. My pain meant nothing? The fact I gave away something I can’t get back is nothing? It being in the past doesn’t change anything.

So today I’m running. Away from everything. I’m […]

8/20/2014 1 comment

I’m so close to just beating my head on the wall.

by katiebear12 8/15/2014

written by katiebear12

I give up on everything. I don’t see the point anymore.

8/15/2014 7 comments

people never change… what’s the point in hoping?

by katiebear12 8/15/2014

written by katiebear12

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=TXIP6DHrc2I

Everywhere I turn, I find someone who I think is going to treat me different, like I’m a person and not an object to be used. But they all turn out the same. All but one person, who I’m so scared that I’ll lose I begged them not to ever leave me on multiple occasions.

I’m all broken and hurt and I think I’d rather be dead right now than feel this. I’m not saying I’m wanting to die, but it was an observation. Why is love and friendship not easy to come by? It seems as if no one wants me for who I […]

8/15/2014 11 comments

Running Through the Dark Forest Some Would Call Memory Lane

by katiebear12 8/13/2014

written by katiebear12

Ah, I return back to the dark abyss called my memories. Let me describe one that encompassed the last three years of my life:

Not too long ago, I got involved in some pretty bad things. Throughout this, I will never say exactly what, but a clever mind can fit the puzzle pieces together. I was 15-16, just looking into the world of the internet. I had discovered things no child should ever see, noted by the obvious adult only signs.

Eventually, I started talking to real people on the internet. Granted, they were mostly males because that’s who mainly was interested in me. That stroke of […]

8/13/2014 12 comments

Back, after 2 years…

by katiebear12 8/12/2014

written by katiebear12

I’m back, again. Most of you don’t remember me. It’s been 2 years since I last posted. Time has not been easy on me. I have a lot of changes, big changes coming up in my life in the next couple of weeks. Already, I have gone through several big ones, like losing many friends and my therapist, who were the only people I had to support me. Now I’m down to one friend that is constantly there for me, though he has major problems of his own. I feel like I’m losing every single thing that means something to me in my life.

My 18th […]

8/12/2014 9 comments