You are my SISTER. You should be understanding.
Instead, you tell me that nothing is wrong with me?
And I am forced to bring up a professional diagnosis and an attempted suicide to end this argument?
How can you say that?
“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”
– Marcus Aurelius
Before him, I was empty. I was alone, devoid of light. Every day getting harder and harder to breath. I was sinking in an ocean of darkness…sadness.
Then I seen him. Its like my heart was stumbling over its feet as it was racing around in my chest. I winced at this unfamiliar feeling. My ears cried with joy as his warm, silvery voice flowed through me. His eyes grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to the surface. I could breathe again. But it hurt.
When he looks at me, its like my soul gets torn to pieces. I yearn for more.
He hurts me. Why […]
It Looked At Me
I stood in my doorway on a day
Nothing special, nothing the same
A crack, a flash
It created a grey war above
And dampened the ground
Around
My vulnerable figure
The feelings were forming
In the pit of my stomach
I try to fight them
Where did they come from?
I asked over
And over
I looked up at the waging war
The culprit at hand
And it looked at me too
I must shamefully admit, with my face shielded from the world, that my pain vanished, not in the form of capsules, but in the form of shiny metal. Though these deathly habits have burned out, I never stopped looking for something to replace it . Has the universe heard my pleas?
This time it was offered in something other than metal or capsules. This time it has come in the shape of man.
No love, no connections. Only lust.
Is this an offer I want to take?
Should I waste purity for a moment of peace?
Time is running out…
What can I write, that hasn’t already been written before?
Shall I write of my hardships? Of my dreadful emotions and thoughts? It all repeats itself.
It just repeats.
And repeats.
And repeats.
And repeats.
And repeats.
At a point in my life, I made the mistake of analyzing the bodies of other women around me. I looked at my sister and went through her clothes, wondering why I wasn’t as small and fit as she was. Then one day a thought was planted into my mind by a simple sentence my bigger sister said to me.
“I’m not going to eat for three days.”
I didn’t know that this thought would impact my life for years to come.
I first stood against that idea. I researched the bad things that come with not eating. It disturbed me. But with my mind in a place […]
After living with myself for years upon years, I figured out how much I can handle. I surpassed that limit long ago.
I started to succumb to the agonizing effects of depression and suicidal thoughts. I don’t try to fight it when it pushes itself into my mind, infiltrating my thoughts. It makes me lash out. I have become less than a person. I ruined a friendship with someone I have known for more than seven years. I fell out of touch with everyone else. But that’s good, right? I don’t have to worry as much when I pass on. Not that I will anyways. Worry. […]