Author

Koiffee

I have given up

by Koiffee 4/3/2017

written by Koiffee

I have given up.

My parents are wasting money away with my goddamn pills and therapy. But I’m not getting better. I’ve been on medication for almost a month and I’m not getting better. Nothing is. In fact I’m falling apart. And everyone ignores this, my parents don’t want to even talk about anything related to my mental health issues.

I feel like such a burden. I am exhausted all day, I can’t eat as much as I used to years ago, every day is a struggle and I can’t concentrate on school or the things I loved anymore.

I’m so tired. I’m sorry to everyone who had […]

4/3/2017 9 comments

Sick of it

by Koiffee 8/18/2016

written by Koiffee

I have been eating irregularly for the past week…I don’t eat at all except for dinner (As less as possible) because I can’t avoid it, since I have it with my parents…

Now I tried eating an apple and god I feel so nauseous and urgh…Whenever I eat or see someone eat I get this feeling of wanting to throw up but I can’t?? I feel all queasy and I just…

I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, and I have to…At school I’m just fighting back tears all the time or thinking about suicide or those voices in my head that won’t […]

8/18/2016 4 comments

F*cked up kid

by Koiffee 5/26/2016

written by Koiffee

…my parents are arguing again. Their sudden quiet voices made me open my door slightly…they were too quiet. But not gentle-quiet.

Stone cold quiet.

I have been carrying this loneliness and emptiness and self-hatred for so long…and today it seems worse than ever.

It tears me apart so much and I feel guilty of being here…I’ll mess things up even more I know.

I don’t know how to escape this. I really don’t. I feel so lonely and detatched…and I’m not only talking about my parents arguing. I just know that If I didn’t feel so cold and sad all the time they wouldn’t be arguing so much.

Everything’s so cold […]

5/26/2016 2 comments

Please shut up…

by Koiffee 5/24/2016

written by Koiffee

I’m ssorry I’m posting so much…I must be annoying as heck ;-;

Idk I’m just crying in my bed and it hurts so much I can actually feel the pain in my chest
My thoughts won’t shut up and the voice in my head keeps shouting I’m better off dead while memories of the words rush through my mind while I cry and clutch my knees to my chest
God I don’t want to be here anymore…what’s the f*cking point in living a life like this…not being enough…being a constant disappointment and failure and a freak?
I just want to close my eyes and never wake […]

5/24/2016 3 comments

My Story

by Koiffee 5/23/2016

written by Koiffee

Second post ever.

Alright, so…I, I guess…I guess I’ll just let you guys know more or less what lead me here? Maybe?

I’ll try to shorten it as much as I can…

______________________________________________________________

I guess it all began about a year or so ago? My mother had a stair accident and fractured her patella. (That rlly important little sphere in her knee). She had to go through two surgeries and is still missing one, that will be done in July.
Now, my mother is a rather…difficult woman. She has a sharp tongue and sharp attitude, even though I know she uses it to build protective walls around herself.
Anyway, […]

5/23/2016 3 comments

So lonely (Kind of vent?)

by Koiffee 5/22/2016

written by Koiffee

So…this is my first post I guess?

I’m sorry If I’m going against any of the rules accidentally? I read them but I’m rlly insecure about writing

Oh well

Anyway just…

How can it seem like I’m finally getting out of the rabbit hole..I see a slight beam of light in the distance…

And it turns out to just be an illusion. Everything comes crushing down again, if not even worse.

I feel so lonely and just…done.

I don’t want to be here anymore. I really don’t.

I have the pills…I’m just scared I will be found and then not die and be left with brain damage?

Why can’t I leave alltogether and peacefully…without […]

5/22/2016 7 comments