Have I distanced everyone to shield them from the inevitable or is my isolation pushing me towards the abyss. The answer changes with each day.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
fuck.
I’m not loved. Does it matter whether I am getting it or not. The fact is I don’t feel it. And that is a damning realization. I twist this absence into hatred and aim it inwards. What happens after is of no concern to me.
I know love is a conjured idea yet I can’t help what I feel. It could easily be something on a much smaller scale I’ve yet to appreciate.
This place, suicideproject, is it really helping anybody? Nothing is solved, behaviors aren’t changed. It’s the blind leading the blind. Maybe it’s the stepping stone to the inevitable realization that we can only help ourselves. We will tumble and collapse while in pursuit, but it’s all part of the progress to reaching the answer. Don’t be afraid.
Fear paralyzes me. Death beckons.
What the mind rationalizes, the heart resists.