I wait for hours
I wait up all night
I wait
Hoping that someone will be there.
Will be there to help me pick up myself
Help me pick up my broken heart
Help me put it back together for the next day
But alas its like last night
And the night before last night
No one is there for me like I am there for them
I simply cant take it anymore
I have waited far too long and too much
I wait every night until 1-2 am
Then the pain comes
Crushing me
Making me want to die
Why am I so dependent?
im done with the waiting around
but i can stop it; i just cant stop it
it hurts to wait for people like this
but i have to; i force myself too
i try to let people go and on their way
instead of them hanging around me
and me bring them down to my level
but i cant let go of these people
and i dont know why because i need to
i need to let them go because soon
ill be going myself; ill be on my way
and maybe its going to hurt them
or maybe not, but all i know
as […]
“you put me through hell cause loving you is a war
I hope to God you’re happy, I hope that you had fun”
*Nothing’s Forever; Jamestown*
“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness”
*How to Save a Life; The Fray*
“You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye”
*Say Something; A Great Big World*
“If love’s a fight, then I shall die,
with my heart on a trigger.”
*Angel With a Shotgun; The Cab”
“You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you”
*The Scientist; Coldplay*
“Til all my sleeves are stained red
for once i felt finally okay
i felt good
i felt like i was going to recover soon
but then it came crashing down
this wave of depression
it hit me and it hurt me
everything started coming back again
the nightmares, the voices, everything
the urge to cut is greater now
ive found out more ways to hurt myself
it doesnt do any good though
but i do like and i dont know why
i started eating full meals
a few days ago
but now that has changed
i can feel my family stare
as i go to get food
judging me
watching me
im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]
im sorry im leaving
but i dont think you understand
i need to leave this planet
i need to leave
why you might ask
because im hurting people
far too many people
no youre not you may reply
but i am maybe not directly
but indirectly i am hurting them
i worry them and make them panic
i make them concerned about me
ive tried lying i really have
but i cannot lie about this
i must go and leave you
i apologize for that
but i have to go
i need to leave this planet
so no one gets hurt by me anymore
so […]
all i want to do now is hurt myself more
or maybe just kill myself now
because i have done it and its bad
i dont know anything anymore
i dont know how to feel anymore
but at the same time i feel this great pain
and i dont know how to make it go away
i just want it to all stop but it cant
so maybe i will just hurt myself more
ill just keep making myself bleed
until one day i take it too far and bleed to my death
then maybe the pain will go away
who knows.
“How was your day?”
‘Good.’
“Are you okay?”
‘Yeah.’
“Are you alright?”
‘Yeah.’
“How are you?”
‘Ok. You?’
“Was your day good?”
‘Yeah.’
“How ya doin?”
‘I’m good. You?’
“Your day was okay?”
‘Yeah.’
I’m sorry
But it seems
That I-
The pain
Is just too much.
I think-
I need you
to be there.
I want-
I hope you
can stay.
But-
I don’t
I do not know anymore.
Hi Guys,
I will be going on a trip this weekend. I will be back on Sunday. I might post on Sunday. We’ll see.
Have a good weekend!
I sat there
The silent consuming.
Upon the arrival
of the death.
Music playing quietly
Blood dripping down.
The darkness overcomes
And I submit.
Silence filled rooms
No more pain.
Nothing will hurt
Just the darkness.
The black abyss
And lonely me.
I wanted love
I gave love.
Deals are sealed
Death is now.
Goodbye my love
Stay on Earth.
We shall meet
One more time.
Goodbye my dear
Au revoir love.
You’re the one
That I loved.
And I’m saying
Goodbye…
At any moment I could go
At any moment I could leave
At any moment I could die
At any moment I could stop
At any moment I could submit
I could let go
I could not care
I could break more
I could stop loving
I could hate you
But I cannot let go
But I cannot not care
But I cannot break more
But I cannot stop loving
But I cannot hate you
Why? I can’t let go of you.
Why? I can’t not care about you.
Why? I can’t break anymore because I’m already broken so much.
Why? I can’t stop loving you no matter […]
Just a song I found that expresses how I feel towards my sister:
You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won’t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I
*Song: Afraid by The Neighbourhood*
I wish…
I want…
I…
You…
It’s complicated…
Hi Guys,
This is just going to be short and sweet. First off I am sorry that I didn’t post my weekly post yesterday. I completely forgot and I was so tired. Anywho here I am. Yay….
How are you guys?
How am I? Um well… Not so good. It’s so tempting to go… It’s so tempting to say goodbye… It’s so tempting…
Here’s a poem:
My feet hit the soft carpet
I look up at myself
Tears streaming down my face
I look at myself in the mirror for the last time.
I brush my hair to make it look good
I put the brush down […]
I wonder if we only met in a wrong time.
I remember the first day of school.
I remember I was wearing a yellow silky skirt.
I remember I was wearing a white shirt.
I remember not wanting to let go of my mom.
I remember crying, sobbing, grasping.
I remember the first day of school.
I remember the first day of middle school.
I remember I felt scared.
I remember I felt lost.
I remember I wasn’t happy.
I remember gripping onto my books tightly.
I remember I was lonely.
I remember the first day of middle school.
I remember talking to you for the first time.
I remember the nights after.
I remember-
I know what
If only they knew…
If only you knew…
If only they didn’t judge…
If only you didn’t break…
If only they understood…
If only you were here…
If only…
I don’t understand
I say when you walked away
I thought you cared
I say when you turned your back on me
Why?
I ask when you don’t turn around
What did I do so bad to make you leave?
I yell when you have walked away
I love you
I whisper
But you never and won’t ever love me
I sit down and cry
You were there for me when no one else was
I am completely shocked
Wish you were here
I sigh and pick myself up
But you never were
I cut one more time
You were never really there