I believe that the universe is like an impossible puzzle. When you look up into the glittering night sky, you see the echo of humanity stretched out, imprinted in the stars. It’s endless, and maddening. It’s why when you stare for too long, you feel insignificant while also believing that you live in the most fantastic creation, shaped by beautiful thoughts. Maybe when we die, we shatter. Bits of ourselves go out into the sky to become fragments of stardust among the constellations, finally beautiful.
People always talk about how they have to â€˜put on a fake smileâ€™ and fool everyone, but itâ€™s so hard to do that. I canâ€™t. How can you smile when the crushing weight of depression is burying you? Most of the time Iâ€™m lost in my thoughts; theyâ€™re drowning me. Iâ€™m in my own little world of self-hate and despair. I look out the window and I can see the beauty, but I canâ€™t feel it. The snow is flurrying right now, little trinkets of white raining down on the blanket of glistening snow that already fell. The trees are dead and bare, stripped of their leaves and left to endure the harsh weather without protection. The sky is gray. Dismal. Another person, someone whoâ€™s thought werenâ€™t contorted by the monstesr inside them, they would see beauty when they looked out that window. They would see something to play in, something to catch on their tongue. I see masses of sad trees and a hopeless sky, raining down silky white tears.
I am something broken. I was beautiful once, but I lost pieces of myself. Iâ€™m trying to find them but they donâ€™t fit right.Â Do you know what it feels like to look down at yourself and cry because you hate what you see? To feel such loathing towards your own body that you have tried to rip it apart bit by bit?Â Forgive me if Iâ€™m quiet, reserved. Iâ€™ve got so much going on in my head that I canâ€™t see straight. I should stop trying to fit in because really, who would ever love a girl with as many problems as me? Oh my God. Everything hurts. From my fingertips to my knees. The pain comes from the abyss in my chest, the dark abyss that never ends, and it sucks everything up, and I can feel it hurting. It all hurts too much. Everything hurts.