i was so proud of myself. i was getting so much better but now i cant handle it again.
im so disappointed in myself and im suicidal again even tho my life is finally completely fine.
What the fuck is wrong with me
we are all truly alone, even when we are surrounded by people
i just need someone to hug me and tell me it gets better.. please.. this hell is killing me
ive finally done it, found the one thing in this stupid world that makes my life worth living.. his name is Jimmy. Jimmy changes everything, all of my goals, all of my feelings, but i cant help but still be depressed. i have major chronic depression.. everything makes me want to kill myself except for him, this beautiful human being that is just as fucked up as i am. the thing is that, he doesnt truly understand how fucked up i am. he believes that he, along with a future we’ve planned together should be enough to make me entirely happy. i want to be […]
pretty hurts
why is it that whenever someone says they care or that they love me, i break out into tears. its like its so hard for me to accept it and to believe it that when someone tells me they care about me; it makes me feel so good and sad and happy because i feel like ive never been cared for. im not even sure how to describe it. i hope you guys understand what im trying to say/how i feel.
hate every one – say anything
“I’m alright, until I’m alone and lately that is all the time”
Do you ever just want to stab the fuck out of your arm?
Well, I am going to write about what has occurred in my life; when my depression started etcetera. I don’t really care if someone reads this or not, I just really need to write it down. I was in a abusive friendship with a girl who lived 3 doors down from my house. I met her when I 3 years old and stayed best friends with her for 10 years. I know what you are thinking. An abusive friendship from the ages of 3-13? Well this “friendship” contained of me feeling like complete and utter crap 24/7 because of the friend mentally destroying me (intensely I […]
Any suggestions as to why I shouldn’t just kill myself?
i hate myself for every single little thing i do. i get into an argument with my mom, i hate myself after for the attitude i gave. i eat, i hate myself after for eating. i stay quite, i hate myself for not speaking. i speak and i hate myself for not staying quite. it seems that no mater what i do, i am never satisfied with myself in anything i do. i feel like i will never be satisfied. i will always hate myself.
I never stopped being depressed, I just got better at faking my smile.
Telling someone that they shouldn’t be sad because other people have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn’t be happy because other people have it better.
Last night we had a fight. I haven’t spoken to you since you told me you liked me and since I told you about my cutting and eating disorder. And then we stopped talking. Why? It can’t be answered with any fairness because you decided to stop texting anyone to see who would answer. Did i text? No. Why? Because how am i supposed to talk to you after I’ve just opened up to you and after you just confessed your feelings for me. Awkward? Hell yes. It was so awkward to talk to you because YOU made it awkward but now when we fought […]
I fucking hate you
Today’s my self harm’s four year anniversary.
I always end up in a depressed state, eating disorder state, anxiety state and so on. Every time I’m in these states, I always end up convincing myself that I’m okay and by acting so fake and by acting like I’m okay, I begin to believe I am, even though I’m still sick.  And when I realize that I’m not okay, I end up back in these states. The truth is, although depression, self harm, bulimia and so on are killing me inside and hurting me, I actually love being depressed, self harming and having an eating disorder, but I end up loving these sicknesses until they […]
Isn’t it funny how I’m breaking to pieces, crying every night, cutting, puking, hating, dying, but no one notices. Not my parents, not my friends and not my siblings even though they ALL now how I feel, that I’m depressed, that I cut and that I have an eating disorder but, they all think I’m better and fine now. It’s like no one notices me. No one pays attention even though I can be so obvious. I’ve been depressed since I was 11. Wake up. I’m 15 now and no one has realized that I’m still the same. No wait that’s a lie. A teacher […]
I know this is a cliche, but I think that if I had a significant other, it would makes thing a lot better. I feel like I just need someone to care about what I’m doing or someone to make me feel better and happy. Just someone exciting. And I think I may have found someone, but I’m still trying to figure out if I like him or if I’m just in love with the idea of being in love. I guess for now I can say that I’m infatuated by him. We’ll see what happens but, for now, I should probably consider having an actual […]
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