The sad thing is that i try to go a day without cutting and putting the thoughts out of my mind, but i cant even go two days without having an urge. Its become an addiction and its only getting worse..
I want to tell them it’s over. That they pushed me over the edge. They made me cutt so hard that i hit a vein and i bleed so much. I hate she thinks she gets no attention when he pays her money just to do good. How she has that guy who loves her the most, yet she hates him. They will see what they do to me. I broke because of them. I’m over the edge. Watching and waiting for that sweet , sweet death. I have never bleed so much. I thought it would hurt, but really i feel nothing. Emotionless and […]
Why do they always talk about happiness?
Sometimes when your with people you love, they make you think that when your with them you can keep living and you could go on with the pain and just think of them. But when your by yourself the truth is, that they’re not there to make you think that. They won’t be there all the time. It’s not worth just waiting to be with someone o be happy. If your happy your happy without people also, you don’t have to depend of them. Sometimes i think i could do it, then when i really start to think, the truth is that i can not […]
Have you ever gotton lost in a terrible thought?
Have you ever had a hard time trying not to cry?
Have you ever thought you were weak for wanting death more than anything else?
Yes, and it’s not easy at all. Have you?
I hate you for not caring.
I hate you for telling me i’m selfish.
I hate you for saying i’m stupid.
I hate you for not noticing the signs.
Most of all, I hate you for talking about my future as if you’ve seen it. I may not even be here, but you still plan.
Act as if your blind, it’ll just turn out bad in the end for you.
Sometimes there isn’t a answer.
Guilt is eating me away. Guilt over hurting my family, even when they told me they would rather have me die than to live with me depressed. Guilt over feeling this depression and suicidal thoughts are just because i’m weak. Guilt over hating my life. I’ve only cared about other people since i was little. Even though i give great advice and talk people out of a lot of shit, i cant seem to take my own advice. I’m trying to stop only caring about other peoples feelings to much. But who knew it was so hard to stop guilt from eating you away…
I sent them all a note.
Wrote all the things to explain why i done it to them.
Saying these goodbyes were the hardest thing life could show me.
But they were meant to happen, for i had no future.
Now they can have theirs.
These days seem to go faster and faster. As if it is on fast-forward. sick of people, sick of life, sick of everything! When i commit suicide, i want my song to play. It’s special and has meaning. has been my favorite since i was little. If only these people who think their lives are perfect and have time for no one else could just see what helping someone in pain is. So they could be my favorite too…
I struggled not cut
Struggled not to cry
Struggled to put my fake smile on
I just want to meet someone who knows how i feel. Struggling isn’t working. About to stop it all…
A friend was sopose to be there for me
A friends was Going to die with me
A friend was going to stay forever
Now a friend is gone
Now a friend is lost
Now a friend is never at peace
They should be ashamed…
I have had many thoughts on killing myself and many tries. On the outside it seems as if i have to perfect life. Parents that love me, a sister who is there for me and a brother who fights for our country. No, the real inside thing is i have  divorced  parents who hate each other so much they don’t even talk to each other about whats wrong with me. A sister who thinks i cutt and think about suicide for attention.  A brother who left me to deal with my whole family by myself.  I have begged for help. Told them about my cutting. […]
Today, the exact day of her death.. Just to feel closeness to her. we are so far apart. Her in heaven and me in hell(mylife). Today, i feel like i lost her all over again. Even if it has been two years it still feels like the first day without her. How can i live any longer if every day it gets harder? I would die just to be with her. To have her answer all my questions would be the best. So here is the worst day of my life.
Today i was in my kitchen, cutting meat with a big knife. Before i knew what i was doing, i had slit my wrist slightly. Before realization hit, i just stood and watched the blood begin to fall from my arm down to the counter. thats when i had a thought, if i could do that and handle the pain why not do what i always wanted? Even when my reason for living would be devastated, i would be selfish and do it just because. Could i do what my best friend had done to me, to him? She did it because she couldn’t handle […]
My friend once told me to sit and wait for her. The meaning to this is i lived far away from her and i told her about my suicide thoughts. So she said just sit and wait for me to get there. After a year of waiting and trying to get through this pain without her, i got a call. It said that she had killed herself and left a note for me. The note said ” If your reading this than you sat and waited. I never came to you because i couldn’t have seen you just like i was.” Reading those words were […]
Why is it that u can get scared to kill yourself? i have waited so long, yet when i get the chance im scared of the pain. why would i be when just living is a worse pain then stabbing yourself? I read somewhere that when you are scared it means you actually dont want to do it. But i KNOW this is what i need to do. leave a note? or just leave so its less painful? there are so many questions to be answered about suicide. Â Sometimes even when there are happy stuff in your life, you still want to die. but i […]
Beautiful but far away.∑>
U dont know but my story has gotten to be a long one. i wish i could tell u everything to see what u would say. Would u call me emo? Would u never talk to me again? I cant risk this chance. thats why i just want to leave u a note and never have to explain. i wish u could just look at me and know everything i was feeling. but for the safety of u, i cant speak up. not even lead u to what it could be. i hate feeling like im lying to u. how i just wanted u to […]
I may not be the beautiful girl with the perfect life or gorgeous boyfriend, but i use to be happy with how i was and to have people that loved me. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 11. i have been a cutter since i was 12. Suicide will one day be my way out of this horrible life. My father once told me is was selfish to be depressed and be suicide when there are lots of people in the world with worse problems. The thing is, Â is that how do u help the way u feel? Its like love, how do […]