I was meant to be better, so much better.
I’ve been happy, so much happier.
but it always comes back, the sadness, it’s overwhelming.
the urge to kill myself just doesn’t leave, it comes back screaming and fighting.
I don’t want to die
but I need to die
I need to.
Sometimes it feels like I’m possessed, I have violent urges to kill myself and it’s like I’m fighting my mind to not act on it, like I’m having a fight body vs mind vs another area in my mind. Like I’m somehow restraining myself from acting on anything to the point my body vibrates as if it’s actually being restrained.
I’m so lost, I feel hopeless but I have so much to live for and I know I’m excited for things and to see everyone around me to grow up- so why do I want to die? Why is my body fighting for death so […]
So, my mental health has been turbulent since I was about 10, and I’ve had many attempts at ending my own life, none in the past two years.
however, today I’ve started to put my affairs in order, planning who gets my belongings, my funeral arrangements, how they’ll find me (or how they’ll at least know I’m gone). And of course how I’m going to do it. I have the date planned, the arrangements, and I’m actually excited- my previous attempts have had a lot of room for error, but this method, it’s foolproof.
they won’t be able to stop me
itll be my last hoorah, […]
My Nan practically raised me when I was younger and today marks the four year anniversary of her death; she died when I was 13 or cancer. Most of the time I get by quite fine, when I don’t think about it, I try and push it away, but right now, it’s so hard.
I can’t stop crying and I know grieving is normal, but I just, is it still okay to cry? When will it stop being okay? Does it stop being okay when people around you forget who she was? Why does my mind still sometimes forget she’s dead, and why do I […]
Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.
okay so I’m a 15 year old girl( I turn 16, in just over a week) and instead of being absolutely over whelmed with excitement for my birthday, which’ll be spent with friends and false happiness. But nonetheless right now all I’m filled with is a numbness and thoughts that are bad and time consuming.
Its not a new feeling to me considering I’ve been feeling suicidal since I was 10 ( which was the first time I tried to suffocate myself ), the feelings have never really abandoned me, and i always feel like I’m stuck with them. It didn’t help that earlier this year, […]
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