LOLfailz

My therapist sent me to a hospital for being “off the chart high risk suicidal”. So I spent a week there, got transfered to an adoloescent psych ward at another hospital and stayed for 3 weeks there. They put me on an antidepressant that doesn’t do anything
What a waste of time. Also my mom kicked me out once I got discharged… I need to switch high schools as im living in another city with my dad now.. I’m ending it soon

When I was 10 or 11 i was naive and unaware (ignorance=bliss) and now I am 16, and excited for my death… I don’t know when/where it will be just yet but I’m happy for once.

My only question is this: Could I have predicted or even prevented this depression from happening? Or is this just how things are SUPPOSED to turn out?

Life’s a joke, a game, a playtoy for us to fumble around with until the inevitable… Ah it’s good to release thoughts.. 🙂

I have never thought of an afterlife simply because it made no sense!
But lately i need something to believe in.. i’m not religious but I dream of an island… With huge expansive plains… Wheat fields, frozen mountains. Basically all the beauty of Earth only I can control it! It’s true paradise and I CAN’T WAIT TO DIE AND GET THERE! I know this sounds so stupid but it would be soo insanely great

I think I found out where shits gonna go down! Literally
We’re not supposed to discuss methods and I’m not… But look the place up!
I live fairly close to it and it really is beautiful, like Canada’s version of the Golden Gate bridge..

So i took a long walk to the outskirts of my small town to a trail that leads to a bridge over a shallow river. I brought along one of my favourite possessions, my pocket knife. It sounds silly but I’ve had it my entire (short) life. It means a lot to me… Anyway I was on the bridge and threw it downstream as hard as I could… I felt it represented my hatred and rage so i got rid of it.
Then i walked home slowly and I felt almost happy with myself.

I don’t fucking believe it! The ONE thing keeping me here was hope that soon I’ll get diagnosed for whatever the fuck i have, but nope! Too damn sheltered and shy to even talk to my family doctor.
Fuck this, fuck life, and fuck you too society!

But my neck hurts real bad…

Hahaa the night’s upon me it’s only 8pm here so i have a while o finalize my decision, once again… If i do not post november 1st, I am dead.
I just wish I had more time… But I don’t this was my date, while all the other 16 yr olds are out getting drunk, high, and laid. I alone dying… And I’d have it no other way 🙂

If I don’t post November 1st
Then I’m dead.

Ok so I’be been recording videos of myself with my webcam and itouch camera… They’re basically clarifications or reasons, any last words i have so my family will have SOMETHING of me remaining… Sound good?

Ahh September 23rd… You son of a *****. That day almost got the best of me… I didn’t believe i’d make it another week…
BUT HERE I AM! my birthday’s come and past, i’m still the same as i was a month ago… Why am i not dead????!!!

what’s up.?

I need to stick around for my 16th birthday, for my family. The only thing stopping me was the slight chance of things getting better and they aren’t. I’m done, I have all the supplies. All I need now is 20 minutes alone

Anyway come halloween and there won’t be drunken parties, candy etc… (im too much of a “loser, ******, loner” for that). Hahaha. No I’ll be “hanging” out with myself. My computer time is limited that’s why I’m saying this incase I can’t be on the day of.

Goodbye. Hopefully for the last time

Sorry for the language… I’m just confused it seems. I have this dream of being in the army but my allergy prevents it. And the next best thing is…well.. swat (e.r.t. in canada) ANYWAY. What’s holding me back is… I’d feel unfit or guilty for a job like that. You need to be a cop first and honestly my mind is too fucked. If I can’t go a day without my suicidal thoughts, how the hell am I supposed to function with a gun in my hand?! Ugh this life is shit. Why am I still here?!

My computer is dying fast and i just wanted to let you all know I’m most likely ending it soon. It really is sad to see so many new people on here… but Kno1, TC, KnightofDoom, Leaky.. and many others. You’ve been great to me, and I appreciate that…

So… if this is it… my method is hanging/asphyxiation… I’m a 16 year old male from Canada (won’t say what province just in case), not saying my name.

Anyway thanks and goodbye.

Even when I am cremated and scattered, gone. I’d like to leave a creation or drawing, SOMETHING with a note for them all to remember me by.

Yeah so some guy in Vancouver (Canada) shot up some empty cars, went back in his house and shot himself…
What was the point in ruining some folks cars?!!

I’ve fucking had it, there’s way too much petty arguments and stress on this planet. I really want to leave soon. I was going to today but couldn’t find the damn ropes I was looking for, but hopefully this month.

So I was looking around my house but couldn’t really find a good/ sturdy place to well…. “hang” out for a while, (lol)
But I think I’ve found it! The garage!
We don’t park our car in it so it’s essentially empty, what do you think? how will my body be discovered?