she’d wanted to dump me for days and she kept it from me. pretended she still loved and wanted me. today, she stopped pretending. she ended our relationship. i can’t live without her and i won’t. don’t tell me “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. don’t tell me that i’ll get over it. just don’t.
as much as it pains me to admit, i’m a toxic person. it hasn’t always been this way, i used to make people smile and happy. now that’s not the case. my illnesses are eating away at me and they took my ability to enjoy seeing others happy away first. making people unhappy doesn’t fufill me either, i hate it. my relationship with my girlfriend is toxic but then again, all my relationships with everyone are toxic. my best friend never really gave a shit about me but i’ve told him to fuck off. i have no one but my girlfriend and i’m dragging her […]
i’ve tried to make it seem like every other night. watch some tv, workout, brush my teeth, shower and sleep. only now there’s one extra step: attempt to end the pain i’ve endured for my whole life. my childhood was ripped from beneath me and now my teenage years have been too, granted that’s my fault. i don’t want to flood this forum with suicide notes every time i attempt so i plan to get it right this time. my parents don’t try to stop me, neither do my sisters. i don’t think my mum will mind losing her only son, i’m the problem child […]
i’m really tired of being told to see a psychologist. i’m tired of being told it’ll get better. i’m just tired of all this false hope people expect me to soak in like a sponge. they expect me to instantly be cured of my illness just by simply looking at the bigger picture. i don’t see a bigger picture for me, i don’t want there to be one. i want to be dead.
id like to post daily as this forum has an oddly calm feel to it, makes me feel less alone. i’d like to make friends here but people don’t like me much, too sad i suppose. then again, that’s the reason why most of us are here, right?
it’s sad to think how easily a life can be taken away. a whole collection of memories and experiences gone within a tug of a rope or the slice of a blade. i can’t see myself getting through the night and i honestly don’t want to. the thought of my pain ending makes me happy, it’s the only thing that does anymore. another night, another attempt.
i’ve deleted my social media and isolated myself from most physically, the only presence i have is on here. i have my death planned out, all i need is to go to the hardware store not too far from my house. but i can’t seem to get out of bed and do that, the thought of actually dying feels surreal to me, the fact that i can finally escape the pain. anyway, i’d appreciate a chat but i also don’t want to bother anyone.
people like to tell me i have no reason to be depressed. that i could be happy, i just choose not to be. up until recently i’ve tried to look at the bright side and shake off my depression and anxiety but it doesn’t work that way. i’ve been diagnosed with depression for 5 years now and i’m 15. i first tried to kill myself when i was 10. i’m a guy meaning that no one really takes how i feel seriously, my parents continue to treat the person who sexually abused me when i was young with respect. not sure what i’m trying to […]